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Umtshato ongathathi hlangothi ngokwesini kunye nabantwana
Umtshato ongathathi hlangothi ngokwesini kunye nabantwana, oko kukuthi indlela amalungelo abantwana anyathelwa ngayo xa bevinjwa ilungelo labazali babo bemvelo - usebenzisa njengesizathu amalungelo oluntu kunye nokulingana kwabantu abadala.
Eli nqaku lithetha ngomtshato ongakhethi cala kwisini kunye nempembelelo yenkqubo yentsapho ebantwaneni. Abo baxhasa ukungathathi hlangothi kwesini-umtshato kwaye bamele inkululeko yesini kuluntu, abafane bajonge izinto ngokwembono yabantwana. Abayithatheli ngqalelo impembelelo ukhetho lwabantu abadala kunye nemithetho ebanayo ebantwaneni. Aba bantu bathetha kuphela ngokulingana, amalungelo oluntu kunye nokungalingani kwezentlalo, kodwa bayalibala ukuba abantwana kufuneka babe namalungelo oluntu. Bafanele babe nelungelo ukususela ekuzalweni kwabo bobabini abazali babo bemvelo. Kuyingxaki ukuba oku akuvunywa. Ukungabi natata nokungabi nomama kugqalwa njengento eqhelekileyo nenqwenelekayo. Abantwana ke kulindeleke ukuba baziqhelanise nesibakala sokuba eli lungelo lisisiseko lithatyathwe kubo yaye bade babe nombulelo ngalo. Kukwayinto eqhelekileyo kwesi sihloko ukuzama ukutshintsha ingxoxo emalunga nabantwana kwingcinga yokuba inkcaso kumtshato ongathathi hlangothi ngokwesini imele intiyo yabantu abathandana besini esinye kunye nentiyo ngakumafanasini. Abantu ababanga oku bacinga ukuba bayayazi kwaye bayayiva iingcinga neemvakalelo zomntu ongavumelaniyo neembono zabo. Abayithatheli ngqalelo into yokuba unokungavumelani kwizinto kuphela ngenxa yezibakala, kodwa ungazothiya mntu. Abaxhasi bomtshato ongakhethi cala kwisini nabo bayasilela ukuyiqwalasela into yokuba amafanasini amaninzi nawo ayawuchasa lo mbandela. Babona ukuba oko kunyhasha ilungelo lomntwana lokuba noyise nomama. UBongibault ongakholelwayo kubukho bukaThixo uthe kudliwano-ndlebe (uWendy Wright, amafanasini aseFransi ajoyina umboniso ochasene nomtshato wamafanasini):
KUTHENI ABANTU BEXHASA UMTSHATO WESINI-NGAPHAKATHI? Xa uzama ukufumanisa ukuba luhlobo luni loluvo abantu abanalo malunga nobufanasini - ingaba bubunjani bendalo okanye buphenjelelwa zizinto ezithile ezingemvelaphi kunye nendlela umntu asabela ngayo kubo - abantu badla ngokuxhomekeka kukhetho lokuqala. Le nto ngokuqhelekileyo ithathwa njengotyekelo lwendalo Ubungqingili bobungqingili bukwabhengezwa ngabaninzi ababizwa ngokuba ngabameli bentlangano yamaKristu yama-gay (apha eFinland, umzekelo, i-Yhteys-movement kunye ne-Tulkaa kaikki-movement) . U-Liisa Tuovinen, inkokeli ye-Yhteys-movement, uye waveza le mbono ngokubanzi kwingxoxo kamabonakude ngo-2002:
Ngapha koko, uPawulos akabuqondi ubufanasini, nto leyo eluphawu lwendalo lomntu olungenakuguqulwa. (2)
Xa ubufanasini buqondwa njengophawu lwendalo, ngokuqinisekileyo sesinye sezona zizathu zikhulu zokuba umtshato ongakhethi cala kwisini kunye nendlela yokuphila yobufanasini zijongwe ngendlela eyakhayo kuluntu lwanamhlanje. Kucingelwa ukuba ukuba luphawu lokuzalwa olufana nombala wolusu okanye ukuba linxele, ngaba akulunganga ukukhusela indlela yokuphila yobufanasini kunye nabantu abaneempawu ezinjalo? Ngaba akulunganga ukuxhasa abantu kukhetho lwabo lwezesondo? Kodwa yintoni inyaniso ngalo mbandela? Amafanasini amaninzi ngokwawo ayayikhanyela into yokuba izalwa. Abanye basenokuma ngelithi oko kungokwemvelo, kodwa abaninzi bayavuma ukuba ukuhendwa kwabantu besini esifanayo kunye neemeko zaba nendima ekuzalweni kotyekelo lwabo. Ezi yayiziingcinga eziqhelekileyo nakwisayikholoji kumashumi ambalwa eminyaka eyadlulayo. Ke yinto efanayo nobukrakra okanye kutheni izaphuli-mthetho zidla ngokuphuma kwiintlobo ezithile zeemeko. Akakho umntu onokuzikhethela iimeko akhuliswe phantsi kwazo noko kwenziwa kuye, kodwa umntu unokuzikhethela ngokwakhe ukuba uyafuna na ukuxolela, enoba uza kuba sisikrelemnqa okanye uqhelisela ubufanasini. Usenokuhendeka ukuba enze ezi zinto, kodwa ukusa kumlinganiselo othile unokukhetha indlela afuna ukuphila ngayo:
Ndifunde uphononongo olunika umdla olwenziwa yingcali: yayiluphando lokufumanisa ukuba bangaphi abantu abathandana besini esinenkuthalo abakholelwa ukuba bazalwa ngolo hlobo. Amashumi asibhozo anesihlanu eepesenti kudliwano-ndlebe nawo ayenoluvo lokuba ubufanasini babo buyindlela efundwayo yokuziphatha ebangelwa yimpembelelo eyonakalisayo kwasekuqaleni kwekhaya labo nokuhendwa ngomnye umntu. Kule mihla, umbuzo wam wokuqala xa ndidibana nomntu othandana nesini esifana nesakhe uhlala uthi, "Ngubani okukhuthazileyo?" Bangandiphendula bonke; Ndizakubuza ke ukuba, “Kwakusenzeka ntoni kuwe nobuni bakho ukuba ubungadibananga nomalume wakho, okanye ukuba akafikanga umzala wakho ebomini bakho? Okanye ngaphandle kotata wakho wesibini? Ucinga ukuba ngekwenzeke ntoni?” Ngeli xesha ke iintsimbi ziqala ukubetha. Bathi, "Mhlawumbi, mhlawumbi, mhlawumbi." (3)
U-Ole akakholelwa, nangona kunjalo, ukuba kukho uhlobo oluthile "lwemfuzo wobufanasini". Ukholelwa ukuba oonobangela beemvakalelo zobufanasini bantsonkothile ngakumbi, kwaye ukhankanya, ngokomzekelo, ukuba wazi izibini ezininzi zamawele afanayo ekuphela kwawo elifanasini. U-Ole ukholelwa ukuba zininzi izinto ezibe negalelo kwindlela aziphethe ngayo, ezinjengobudlelwane bakhe obuntsonkothileyo nobubi noyise xa wayengumntwana. UOle akazibambezeli xa ebalisa ngobudlelwane bakhe noyise esengumntwana. Wayevakalelwa kukuba uyise akakho yaye wayemoyika uyise. Uyise maxa wambi wayesiba nesithukuthezi, yaye izihlandlo ezimbalwa u-Ole wayevakalelwa kukuba uyise wayemhlazisa ngabom esidlangalaleni. U-Ole utsho ngokuphandle ukuba umthiyile uyise. (4)
UHarri unomdla kwingxoxo malunga nobufanasini kumajelo eendaba kunye nezifundo malunga nobufanasini. Uqinisekile ukuba ubufanasini abunanto yakwenza nokuzalwa. Usekela le mbono, ngokomzekelo, kwisibakala sokuba ngokufuthi kulula ukufumanisa isizathu sokuba abantu batyekele kubufanasini. Ngokuqhelekileyo baye behlelwa bubundlobongela obuphathelele kwezesondo okanye banobudlelwane obunzima nabazali babo okanye iintanga zabo. UHarri uthi: “Oku kuye kwandiqinisekisa ukuba akuqali yaye kuphambili kwimizila yemfuza. (5)
Kwimeko yakhe, uTepi ukholelwa ukuba ubufanasini bubangelwa kukuba unokusilela ngokweemvakalelo azama ukuzalisa. UTepi uthi wayemoyika uyise esengumntwana kwaye “usenoloyiko olunjalo ngabantu”. UTepi uthi ukhangela umama phakathi kwamabhinqa. Nangona uTepi ecinga ngezizathu zokuthandana kwakhe namabhinqa, ukwathi malunga nokuwathanda kwakhe amabhinqa: “Njengoko iye yahamba ngendlela eyothusayo ngokwemvelo, ngamanye amaxesha ndiye ndizibuze ukuba inokwenzeka njani na loo nto.” Kwelinye icala, ukholelwa ukuba kukho isizathu soku, naye. UTepi akakholelwa ukuba ubufanasini bubangelwa yimizila yemfuza okanye ukuba umntu unokuba lifanasini okanye amafanasini kwasekuzalweni kwakhe. Ngokombono wakhe, umntu ukhula gay okanye isini, ngaphandle naziphi na iziphazamiso ezizodwa. (6)
Ewe, njengabo bonke abantu abathandana nabo, ndiyazibuza ukuba ubufanasini buvela phi. Ndikholelwa ukuba ubuntu bomntwana bakheka kwiminyaka emithathu yokuqala yobomi, kuquka neentlobano zesini. Oku kuchatshazelwa kokubini kokusingqongileyo kunye nebhayoloji yomntu. Andikholelwa kwaphela ukuba ubufanasini lilifa. Kwezinye izalamane zam, ubufanasini bam bunzima ncakasana kuba boyika ukuba bunofuzo. (7)
Ngaba ubufanasini bubangelwa yimizila yemfuza? Njengoko kuphawuliwe, inkcazo eqhelekileyo yesiqhelo yobufanasini ngoku kukuba kukuzalwa kwaye kubangelwa zimfuza, okanye iihomoni ezikhutshiweyo ngexesha lokukhulelwa. Abantu bacinga ukuba ubufanasini bubangelwa ubukhulu becala zizinto zebhayoloji. Nangona kunjalo, le ngcaciso ayixhaswanga zizifundo zamawele. Amawele afanayo anemizila yemfuza efanayo ncam nendawo efanayo esibelekweni, kodwa linye kuphela kuwo elinokuba nomdla kwisini sawo. Ukuba ubufanasini bubangelwa yimfuza akufanele kube njalo. Isicatshulwa esilandelayo sivela kwisifundo esikhulu malunga nesi sifundo, esaqhutywa eKhanada kwaye sibandakanya izifundo ze-20,000. Ibonisa ukuba imizila yemfuza kunye nemfuzo ayiyonto ibalulekileyo kwimvelaphi yobufanasini.
Uphononongo lwamawele eCanada lubonise ukuba izinto zentlalo zibaluleke ngakumbi kunemfuza (…) Iziphumo zophando zibonisa ukuba imfuza ayinayo nayiphi na intsingiselo ebalulekileyo. Ukuba elinye iwele elinye lamawele afanayo lalifana nesini esifanayo, kukho amathuba okuba elinye iwele lalinomdla kwi-6.7% yokuba elinye iwele lalinomdla kubantu besini esifanayo. Ipesenti yamawele angafaniyo yayiyi-7.2% kwaye kubantwana abaqhelekileyo babeyi-5.5%. Ezi ziphumo azivumelani kakhulu nemodeli yemfuzo ekhankanywe ngasentla yobufanasini. Imeko apho amawele akhula ngaphakathi kwesibeleko sikanina iyafana ncam kuwo omabini amawele ngokweehomoni, kwaye ke iziphumo ezifunyenwe nguBearman kunye noBrucker ziyayiphikisa ithiyori yokuba ukungalingani kwiihomoni zikamama ngexesha lokukhulelwa kubangela ubufanasini. (...) Izifundo ezingamawele zangaphambili zazifumene izifundo zazo kwiiklinikhi okanye ngemibutho yabantu abathandana besini esifanayo, okanye ngenye indlela babenesampulu encinci. U-Bearman no-Brucker bathi uphononongo lwabo lolona luthembekileyo ngenxa yokuba lwalusekwe kwisampulu engacwangciswanga evela kuphononongo lolutsha kuquka isizwe siphela. Kwakukho malunga ne-20,000 yezifundo zovavanyo! Ngaphezu koko, abaphandi abazange bathembele kwinto ethethwa ngomnye wesibini malunga nokuziphatha kwewele: Kunoko, baya kwelinye iwele baza bababuza ngalo. (8)
Abaphandi bobufanasini ngokuqhelekileyo abakholelwa kubufanasini bemvelo. U-Olli Stålström, ilungu eliseka i-Finnish Seta movement, wazisa lo mba kwi-dissertation yakhe i- Homoseksuaalisuuden sairausleiman loppu (Isiphelo sokubekwa amabala kobufanasini njengesigulo, ngo-1997). Watsho ukuba abaphandi bobufanasini abazange bayixhase ithiyori ethi "Ndazalwa yindoda" ixesha elide. Ubhekiselele kwiinkomfa ezimbini zenzululwazi ezizinyaswe ngamakhulu oososayensi:
Iinkomfa ezimbini zesayensi ngoDisemba 1987 zinokubonwa njengenqaku elibalulekileyo kwimbali… ibandakanya abaphandi bobufanasini abali-100 abasuka kumazwe angama-22 ahlukeneyo kumaqela asebenzayo ali-100… Iinkomfa zavumelana ngamxhelo mnye ukuba akukho sizathu sokuthatha indawo yokuhlelwa kobufanasini njengokuphazamiseka kwengqondo ngeethiyori zendalo yokuzalwa. Kwabonwa kuyimfuneko ukukhatywa ngokubanzi umbono obalulekileyo wobufanasini, ngokutsho ukuba ubufanasini bunesiseko esizimeleyo kwixesha kunye nenkcubeko enesizathu esithile. (iphe. 299-300)
Abantwana ababi . Enye into ebonisa ukuba ubungakanani besini obunxulumene neemeko kunye nezinto ezisingqongileyo ngabantwana abancinci abalahliweyo ukuba bahlale nezilwanyana. Abanamdla kwaphela wesondo. Oku kubonisa ukuba ubulili bomntu bukwaphenjelelwa yimiba yentlalo. Ibhayoloji ayisiyiyo kuphela into emiselayo. Umphandi wengqondo yophuhliso nomncedisi kanjingalwazi wengqondo, uRisto Vuorinen, kwincwadi yakhe ethi Minän synty ja kehitys [Birth and development of self] (1997) ngaba bantwana bancinane balahliweyo, abo babizwa ngokuba ngabantwana abaziinyama, abakhuliswe zizilwanyana. Ukuba ubuni besondo bumiselwe kuphela ngamajini, bekungayi kubakho iimeko ezinjalo:
Ukwabelana ngesondo kwabantwana abazalanayo yinto ebalulekileyo efunyenweyo. Nangona ukukhula kwabo ngokomzimba, ababonisi nayiphi na intshisekelo yesini ... Kubonakala ngathi kukho ixesha elibalulekileyo lokuqala lokuphuhliswa kwesini.
Abaxhasi abaninzi bomtshato ongathathi hlangothi ngokwesini baye bavuma ngokuthe ngqo ukuba ingxabano yokuzalwa ayiyonyani okanye inesiseko esihle. Omnye wabo nguJohn Corvino, ongakholelwayo ukuba ubufanasini yinto yokuzalwa. Uye wathi: "Kodwa ingxabano embi yingxabano embi, kungakhathaliseki ukuba imnandi kangakanani - kwaye iyinyani - izigqibo ezinokuthi zithathwe kuyo" (9) Uphando lubonisa ukuba isazisi ngokwesondo sinokutshintsha ukuya kuthi ga kwinqanaba lobudala, kodwa amaxesha amaninzi kwicala eliqhelekileyo labantu besini esingafaniyo. Kwabanye abantu abancinci, isazisi sabo sesini sisenokungacaci, kodwa ngokubudala, uninzi lwabo luya kufumana isazisi esiqhelekileyo sesini esingafaniyo:
Uphononongo olukhulu lwaseMelika olwapapashwa ngo-2007 malunga nokutshintsha kwesazisi ngokwesondo sabantu abaneminyaka eyi-16 ukuya kwengama-22 ubudala lubonise ukuba ukuqhelaniswa kwabantu abathandana besini esifana nesinye okanye abathandana nesini esiphindwe kabini kunamathuba angama-25 okutshintshela kwisini esahlukileyo kwisithuba sonyaka kunokuphendulula. Kwinkoliso yabakwishumi elivisayo, iimvakalelo zobufanasini ziyaphela njengoko iminyaka ihamba. Malunga neepesenti ezingama-70 zamakhwenkwe aneminyaka eli-17 ubudala abonakalise umdla wobufanasini obungakwicala elinye abonisa ubufanasini obungasecaleni xa eneminyaka engama-22. (Savin-Williams & Ream 2007: 385 pp.) (10)
INGABA UMTHETHO WOMTSHATO WESINTU LUCALUCALULO? Enye ingxoxo yomtshato ongathathi cala kwisini ibe kukuba umthetho wesithethe womtshato unocalucalulo. Yiyo loo nto abaxhasi bomtshato ongathathi hlangothi bethetha ngokulingana kunye nokulwa nocalucalulo, xa bekhusela izimvo zabo. Amajelo eendaba nawo asenokuvakalisa imiyalezo ebhalwe kakuhle malunga namalungelo oluntu kunye nokulingana.
Ilungelo lomtshato kubo bonke abantu abadala kunye nokutshintsha intsingiselo yomtshato . Xa kuthethwa ngocalucalulo ngokunxulumene nomthetho womtshato wesintu, kufuneka kuchazwe ukuba bonke abantu abadala banelungelo lokutshata. Akukho ngaphandle apha. Nayiphi na indoda okanye ibhinqa elikhulileyo linokutshata nomntu wesini esahlukileyo. Umthetho womtshato wesintu ke ngoko sele ulingana kwaye awucaluli mntu. Ukuthetha ngenye indlela kuchasene nezibakala. Endaweni yoko, iinzame zokwandisa umtshato kubantu besini esinye nazo ziyayitshintsha intsingiselo yomtshato. Igama elithi umtshato lithatha intsingiselo entsha ongazange ubenayo ngaphambili. Kufana nokuphikisana ngokuba, ngokomzekelo, ubudlelwane obuqhelekileyo bengqesho phakathi komqeshi nomqeshwa buthetha umtshato, okanye ibhayisekile nenqwelo-moya ziimoto, nokuba akunjalo. Eli gama, kangangeenkulungwane kwimbali yoluntu liye laqondwa njengelithetha kuphela ulwalamano phakathi kwendoda nomfazi, ngaloo ndlela litshintsha intsingiselo ibe kweyahlukileyo ngengcamango yokungathathi cala yesini yomtshato. Itshintsha umkhuba oye waphumelela kuzo zonke iinkcubeko ezinkulu kangangamawaka eminyaka.
Ezinye iintlobo zothando. Ukuthi umthetho womtshato ongathathi hlangothi ngokwesini uya kuphelisa ukungalingani kunye nocalucalulo yingxabano embi kuba kukho ezinye iintlobo zobudlelwane. Kuba ukuba ubufanasini bubizwa ngokuba ngumtshato, umntu unokuthethelela njani ukukhutshelwa ngaphandle kwezinye iintlobo zobudlelwane kumthetho ofanayo? Kutheni le nto kufuneka kuqukwe kuphela iqaqobana lamafanasini kumthetho womtshato? Ukuba silandela ingqiqo efanayo abantu abazama ngayo ngoku ukukhusela lo mbandela, ezi ntlobo zilandelayo zobudlelwane kufuneka zifakwe kububanzi bomthetho. Ukuba ngaba ababandakanywanga, kunjalo, ngokwengqiqo efanayo, ucalucalulo kunye nenkxaso yokungalingani. Iziphumo ezinjalo zifikelelwa ukuba silandela iingcamango zabaxhasi bomtshato ongathathi hlangothi kwaye xa sitshintsha intsingiselo yegama elithi umtshato:
• Ubudlelwane phakathi kukamama nentombi, njengoko behlala kwikhaya elinye
• Umntu, ohlala nenja yakhe
• Ubudlelwane besithembu
• Abafundi ababini abahlala kwigumbi elinye lokulala
• Ubudlelwane phakathi kwabazalanayo bukwayindlela enye. Kwanabo baxhasa imitshato yamafanasini ngokuqhelekileyo abaluthandi olo lwalamano kuba balugqala njengoluphosakele. Nangona kunjalo, abo banesimo sengqondo esibi kumtshato ongathathi hlangothi ngokwesini banokuwugatya ngenxa yesizathu esifanayo. Basenokukugqala kuphosakele ngokokuziphatha.
Unjingalwazi, uAnto Leikola, wabhala ngalo mbandela kwimagazini yeYliopisto [University] (8 / 1996) enesihloko esithi Olisiko rakkauskin rekisteröitävä? [Ngaba uthando lufanele lubhaliswe?] . Wathi ngokulandela ingqiqo efanayo, akuhambelani ukukhawulela umbandela kumafanasini kuphela. Kutheni le nto kufuneka ziqukwe kuphela kumda womthetho womtshato, xa kukho ezinye iintlobo ezininzi zobudlelwane ezitenxayo kwisiqhelo?
Kuthekani ukuba abazalwana ababini abathandanayo kakhulu, bafuna ukuba nendlu kunye nangaphezulu, baze bathathe umntwana odibeneyo? Kutheni kufanele kube nzima kubo kunamafanasini? Ngaba kungenxa yokuba kukho uthando phakathi kokugqibela, kodwa kungekhona phakathi kwangaphambili, okanye phakathi kwabahlobo nje? …Lilonke, ukubhaliswa kobudlelwane sisiganeko soluntu …Ukuba ithuba elinjalo linikwa abantu besini esifanayo, andikasiqondi isizathu sokuba liphelele kubantu abathandana besini esifanayo. Okanye ngaba sicinga ukuba bonke abantu besini esifanayo, abahlala kunye nabanamathele omnye komnye, bangamafanasini? Okanye ngaba sicinga ukuba ubungqingili abunanto yakwenza nokuziphatha ngokwesini ... Ukuba sicinga ukuba kuyinqweneleka ukubhalisa ubudlelwane bobungqingili, kodwa kungekhona abanye, ngoko ke into yokuba yinto yokubhalisa ukuxhatshazwa ngokwesondo,
Inkoliso yamafanasini ayifuni kutshata . Xa kusenziwa umtshato ongakhethi cala kwisini, enye yeengongoma eziphambili ibikukulwa ucalucalulo nokungalingani. Kucingelwa ukuba umtshato ongakhethi cala kwisini, apho amafanasini enokutshata omnye komnye, uya kuluphelisa ucalucalulo. Noko ke, inyaniso ikukuba, kuloo mazwe apho umtshato wamafanasini ubunexesha elide, bambalwa abafuna ukutshata. E-Netherlands, umtshato wesini esifanayo usebenze iminyaka elishumi, kodwa kuphela i-20% yabantu abathandana besini esifanayo batshata. Ngokumalunga nabantu, inani lingaphantsi nangakumbi. Ngokutsho kolunye uqikelelo, sisi-8 ekhulwini kuphela samafanasini angena emtshatweni. Ngokwesiqhelo, amanani abonisa ukuba liqaqobana nje lamafanasini eliye lanomdla wokutshata. Endaweni yoko, uninzi lwabo alufunanga (ngokwendlela yokucinga yabaxhasi) ukufumana ukulingana kunye nenkululeko kucalucalulo.
ISIKHULULO SABANTWANA . Njengoko kuchaziwe, umtshato ongathathi hlangothi ngokwesini uyathetheleleka ngokwembono yokulingana nanjengomba wamalungelo oluntu. Kuye kwacaciswa ukuba ukwamkelwa kwalo mba kuya kususa intswela-bulungisa yalo mthetho. Nangona kunjalo, esi sihloko sihlolwe kuphela kwimbono yabantu abadala kwaye abantwana baye balityalwa. Umthetho womtshato ongathathi hlangothi ngokwesini ngokwenene ngumba wamalungelo oluntu, kodwa okuchasene noko kuchazwayo: kuthetha ukunyhashwa kwamalungelo oluntu abantwana. Kuba kwezo meko apho abantu abathandana besini esifanayo benenjongo yokuba nabantwana (kunokwenzeka, ngokomzekelo, ngokugcina amadlozi kunye nokuqeshwa kwesibeleko okanye ukuba elinye lamafanasini liye lathandana okwexeshana), oko kuthetha ukwahlula umntwana kuyise omzalayo okanye umama ukususela ekuzalweni ngenxa nje yokuba abantu abadala bathatha umtshato ongathathi hlangothi njengelungelo labo. Umthetho womtshato ongakhethi cala ngokwesini uyacalula abantwana ngeendleko zabantu abadala. Inkululeko yabantu abadala ibekwe phambi kwamalungelo asisiseko abantwana. Ngokuqinisekileyo kukho iimeko apho umntwana kufuneka akhule ngaphandle koyise okanye umama, kodwa yinto eyahlukileyo ukwenza ngabom umntwana ongenayise okanye umama ukuze afezekise iminqweno yabantu abadala. Oku koko kwenzeka kumtshato ongakhethi cala kwisini apho kufunyanwa abantwana. EFransi, amafanasini amaninzi nawo aye athabatha amanyathelo kulo mbandela. Babona ukuba umthetho womtshato ongakhethi cala wesini unyhasha ilungelo lomntwana lokuba noyise nomama. Yiyo loo nto besala umtshato ongakhethi cala kwisini:
UJean-Pierre Delaume-Myard: Ngaba ndingumntu othanda abantu abathandana nabanye abantu… Ndiwuchasile umtshato ongathathi hlangothi ngokwesini, kuba ndikhusela ilungelo lomntwana lokuba notata nomama. (11)
UJean-Marc Veyron la Croix: Wonke umntu uneentsilelo zakhe: isibakala sokuba andinaye umntwana nokuba ndiyakhumbula umntwana ayindiniki ilungelo lokuthabatha uthando lukamama emntwaneni. (12)
UHervé Jourdan: Umntwana sisiqhamo sothando kwaye kufuneka ahlale njengesiqhamo sothando. (13)
Ukuba nabantwana . Xa kuziwa kubudlelwane besini esingafaniyo, banomahluko omnye omkhulu xa kuthelekiswa nobudlelwane besini esifanayo: kuphela ubudlelwane besini esingafaniyo obunokuba nabantwana, aba bamva abanako. Esi sesinye sezona zizathu zikhulu zokuba umtshato womyeni nenkosikazi yeyona ndawo intle yokuqalisa abantwana. Inika abantwana ithuba lokukhulela phantsi kokhathalelo lukayise nomama wabo wemvelo kwasekuqaleni. Ingxaki ngobudlelwane bobufanasini, kwelinye icala, kukuba, ukuba abantwana bafunyanwa ngokulalana kwabantu besini esahlukileyo okwexeshana okanye ngeendlela zokwenziwa ezinjengokuqeshwa kwesibeleko okanye iindawo zokugcina amadlozi, oko kumshiya umntwana engenayise okanye engenanina. Ulahlekile nokuba mnye kubazali bakhe bemvelo ekhaya, angakhula naye. Umntwana kufuneka aphile ngaphandle komnye umzali wakhe omzalayo kwasekuqaleni ngenxa yokhetho lwabantu abadala. Nabo bakhulele kusapho oluthandana nesini esinye bagxeke umkhwa wokuhluthwa komntwana ilungelo lokuba nguyise okanye unina ngale ndlela; ngokubhenela ukulingana phakathi kwabantu abadala. Bahluthwa ilungelo kuye nawuphi na kubazali babo. UJean-Dominique Bunel, okhule kunye nomama wakhe othandana nabasetyhini kunye neqabane lakhe elibhinqileyo, ubalisa indlela awahlangabezana ngayo nale nto. Wabandezeleka kukungabi natata. Nakwenye indawo, ukwathi ukuba umtshato ongathathi cala ngokwesini wawusele uqalisile ekukhuleni kwakhe, ngewayemangalele urhulumente, kuba oko kubangele ukunyhashwa kwamalungelo omntwana wakhe:
La magqabantshintshi angezantsi nawo ajongana nalo mba. Ukungabikho kotata okanye umama sisizathu sokuba abantwana bakufumanise kunzima ukukhulela kwindawo yobufanasini. Ayingombuzo wokuba ingaba umzali omnye olifanasini akanelanga ekukhuliseni umntwana, kodwa ngumbandela wokwalela ngenjongo umntwana kubukho bomnye umzali wakhe wemvelo kwasekuzalweni kwakhe:
URobert Oscar Lopez (2012) ugxeka intetho yokuchasana kwabantu abathandana nabantu abathandana ngobulili obufanayo njengecalucalulo kunye nengqondo ephangaleleyo, kuba ikwabhala abantu abafana naye njengabantu abathandanayo, abakhulele kwikhaya labantu abathandana nabasetyhini, babehlala inxalenye enkulu yobomi babo kwinkcubeko yobufanasini, kodwa. abasawuchasayo umtshato ongakhethi cala kwisini kuba bebona ukuba unyhasha amalungelo omntwana kuyise nonina. Ngokutsho kukaLopez, kunzima ukubizwa ngokuba yi-homophobic nje ngokuba uthi ngokuphandle wafumana ukungabikho koyise njengobunzima ngelixa ekhula kwikhaya likanina kunye neqabane lakhe. "Enoba isibini esithandana nesini esinye sifuna ukulinganisa imodeli yokukhuliswa kwabantu besini esahlukileyo ngokuzala umntwana, ukuzala, ukuqhawula umtshato, okanye ukukhulisa abantwana ngokwentengiso, babeka imingcipheko emininzi yokuziphatha. bazi kakuhle ngendima yabazali babo ekudaleni ubomi obuxineneyo nobuntsonkothileyo ngokweemvakalelo obahlulayo kwizithethe zenkcubeko ezinjengoSuku looTata nooMama. Isikhundla sabantwana senziwe nzima, xa bebizwa ngokuba 'bathanda abantu abathandana nabantu abathandana obufanayo' kuba nje bebandezelekile - kwaye bevuma oko - uxinzelelo lwendalo olubekwe kubo ngabazali babo. (Lopez 2013.) (15)
Xa abantwana befunyanwa ngeendlela ezenziweyo ezinje ngerenti yesibeleko kunye neebhanki zamadlozi, kufuneka sijongane neengxaki ezininzi zokuziphatha. Ingxaki yokurenta kwesibeleko kukuba umama kufuneka alahle umntwana omthweleyo. Ibekwe njengenjongo kwirenti yesibeleko. Kulindeleke ukuba acinezele iimvakalelo zakhe ngomntwana kwaye uhlawulelwe oko. Uthengisa amalungelo akhe emntwaneni ekusenokwenzeka ukuba angaphindi ambone kwakhona. Nangona kunjalo, kwabaninzi le nto yayinokuba nzima kakhulu ngenxa yethuku labo lokuzala, nto leyo ethe yabangela ukuba bafune ukuphelisa isivumelwano sokuzala umntwana. Aba bafazi baye baqonda ukuba bayamthanda umntwana ongaphakathi kubo, nto leyo ebenze batshintsha iingqondo zabo. Ukongeza, ukurenta isibeleko kuyingxaki ebantwaneni. Ngenxa yokuba xa umama enikezela ngelungelo lakhe emntwaneni, umntwana usenokuvakalelwa kukuba ulahliwe. Kusenokuphakama imibuzo kuye, isizathu sokuba unina amthengise ngemali aze angakhathali. Phakathi kwezinye, iwebhusayithi ka-Alana Newman ethi AnonymousUS.org ibalisa ngamava neemvakalelo zabantwana abanjalo. UFrank Litgvoet, ohlala kubudlelwane bobufanasini, ubalisa ngokunyanisekileyo ngetyala elifanayo. Ubalisa ngabantwana bakhe awabakhulisayo ababekhumbula umama wabo. Kwakunzima kwaye kubuhlungu kubantwana ukuqonda isizathu sokuba umama ashiye abantwana bakhe kuqala:
Imeko yomntwana “ongenanina” ekukhulisweni evulekileyo ayilula njengoko ibonakala, kuba ibandakanya umama ozalayo, oza ebomini bomntwana aze ahambe. Yaye xa umama engekho ngokoqobo, njengoko sisazi kumabali abantwana abaninzi abakhuliswe ngabanye abazali abasele bekhulile, abakhoyo ngamaphupha, imifanekiso, ulangazelelo nokukhathazeka. Ukufika kukamama kubomi babantwana bethu kudla ngokuba ngamava amnandi. Kunzima kubantwana xa umama ehamba, kungekhona nje ngokuba buhlungu ukuvalelisa kumntu omdala othandekayo, kodwa nangenxa yokuba kuphakamisa umbuzo onzima nobuhlungu wokuba kutheni umama eshiya umntwana wakhe ekuqaleni. (16)
Kuthekani ngemigaqo yokugcinwa kwamadlozi kunye nonyango lokuchumisa? Asekelwe kwisibakala sokuba amadoda aye anikela ngokuzithandela ngamadlozi awo ukuze afakwe amadlozi, ngoko ke la madoda ngokuqinisekileyo akayi kujamelana neemvakalelo ezinzima ezifanayo ezinokubakho ngokuqeshwa kwesibeleko. Noko ke, ingxaki ngonyango lokuzala kukuba luthwalisa abantwana umthwalo wokungabi natata. Abantwana abaveliswe ngobuqhetseba banokuziva benzima kakhulu ukuba umama uye wababeka ngabom kwindawo apho bangakwaziyo nokunxibelelana noyise. UTapio Puolimatka uchaza ugqirha wengqondo weYunivesithi yaseYale uKyle Pruett ngophando kulo mbandela (Kyle Pruett: Fatherneed, New York, Broadway, 2000). Kunzima ukuba abantwana baphile kuhlobo lwesimo esiphakathi ngaphandle kobudlelwane noyise wabo wemvelo:
Ugqirha wengqondo weYunivesithi yaseYale uKyle Pruett (2000: 207) uqukumbela ngokusekwe kuphando lwakhe lokuba abantwana abazalwa ngenxa yokufakwa kwamadlozi okufakelweyo nabakhuliswe ngaphandle koyise “babalambela ngokusisigxina uyise”. Uphando lwakhe lungqamana nezifundo zoqhawulo-mtshato nokuba ngumzali omnye ezibalaselisa ukunqongophala okufanayo kobutata. Uphando lukaPruett lukwaqaqambisa ukuba abantwana abazelwe ngenxa yokufakwa kwamadlozi ngendlela engaqhelekanga, abangenalwazi ngoyise, banemibuzo enzulu nephazamisayo malunga nemvelaphi yabo yebhayoloji kunye nosapho abaphuma kulo ngokwebhayoloji. Aba bantwana abamazi uyise okanye usapho lukayise, kwaye kuyanyanyeka kubo ukuba bahlale kuhlobo oluphakathi kwelizwe ngaphandle kobudlelwane noyise wabo wenyama (Pruett 2000: 204-208) (17)
U-Alana Newman uyaqhubeka ngesihloko esifanayo. Yena ngokwakhe wazalwa ngokufakwa amadlozi ngokwenziwa, esebenzisa amadlozi aphuma kumntu onikela ngegazi. Uwuchasa ngamandla umkhwa wokuhluthwa komntwana ithuba lokuseka ubuhlobo nabazali bakhe bemvelo aze akhulele kwinkathalo yabo. Ngenxa yamava akhe, waba neengxaki zokuzazi nentiyo ngabantu besini esahlukileyo. Kubungqina bakhe obubhaliweyo kwiNdlu yoWiso-mthetho yaseCalifornia, wabhala ngalo mbandela:
… Ndahlutshwa yimiba yesazisi eye yadodobalisa ulungelelwaniso lwam lwengqondo, ukungathembi kunye nentiyo kubantu besini esahlukileyo, iimvakalelo zokuchaswa – ngokungathi ndikho nje into yokudlala yomnye umntu. Ndaziva ngathi ndilinge lenzululwazi. (18)
Ukubaluleka kwabazali ebantwaneni . Iinkqubo zikamabonwakude namanqaku ephephandaba adla ngokuthetha ngendlela abantwana abafuna ukufumana ngayo umzali wabo wemvelo abangazange bambone nowanyamalalayo ebomini babo. Banqwenela ukufumana ezabo iingcambu kwaye badibane notata okanye umama obazalayo ongekhoyo kubo. Oku kuya kuxhaphaka ngakumbi kule mihla, umz. ngenxa yokunyuka kwamazinga oqhawulo-mtshato. Ngokwembono yomntwana, isibakala sokuba bobabini abazali bemvelo bekhona yaye bayakhathalelana sibalulekile. Oku kukwavela kwimigqaliselo emininzi yobomi. Abo bantwana ubuhlobo babo nabazali babo bophukile, umz. ngenxa yotywala, ubundlobongela okanye uqhawulo-mtshato oluqhelekileyo, bangena kwiingxaki ezininzi ebomini babo ezinqabileyo kubantwana abakhulele kwiintsapho ezizinzileyo. Umzekelo omncinci osebenzayo walatha koku. Ibonisa indlela ngokukodwa ukungabi natata, ukungabikho kotata ekhaya, okuyingxaki yanamhlanje:
Xa ndandithetha kwinkampu yamadoda ethile eHume Lake eKhalifoniya, ndakhankanya ukuba utata oqhelekileyo uchitha imizuzu emithathu kuphela yexesha elisemgangathweni nomntwana wakhe ngosuku. Emva kwentlanganiso, enye indoda yandibuza inkcazelo yam. Wangxolisa esithi, “Nina bashumayeli nithetha izinto kuphela. Ngokophando lwamva nje, utata oqhelekileyo akachithi kwanemizuzu emithathu yonke imihla nabantwana bakhe, kodwa imizuzwana engama-35 . Ndiyamkholelwa kuba wayesebenza njengomhloli wesikolo kumbindi weKhalifoniya. Eneneni, wandinika elinye inani elothusayo. Kwisithili sesikolo esithile eKhalifoniya kwakukho abafundi abangama-483 kwimfundo ekhethekileyo. Akukho namnye kwabo bafundi wayenotata ekhaya. Kwindawo ethile engaphandle kweSeattle, i-61% yabantwana bahlala ngaphandle kootata. Ukungabikho kotata kusiqalekiso kule mihla. (19)
Oku kunxulumana njani nomxholo oxutyushwayo? Ngamafutshane, ubukho babazali bobabini bezinto eziphilayo, uthando lwabazali omnye komnye kwaye, ngokuqinisekileyo, kumntwana kubalulekile kwintlalontle yomntwana kunye nophuhliso. Kukho uphando oluninzi olubonisa ukuba umntwana ukhula kwaye akhule kakuhle ukuba uvumelekile ukuba abe nabazali bakhe bemvelo kwintsapho enezinga eliphantsi longquzulwano. Ukuba ingongoma yokuthelekisa ngabantwana, abaye bafumana uqhawulo-mtshato lwabazali okanye iintsapho ezinomzali omnye, iintsapho ezintsha nokuhlalisana, kuye kwafunyaniswa ukuba iyeyona ndlela imbi ngakumbi yokukhula kwabantwana. Kubudlelwane bobufanasini, ingxaki inkulu nangakumbi (ukuba abantwana bafunyanwa ngokulalana okwethutyana okanye ngeendlela ezingeyonyani), kuba kuzo umntwana wohlulwe nokuba ngumzali omnye kwasekuqaleni kobomi bakhe. Ngokuqinisekileyo ayilokhetho lulungileyo kubantwana, njengoko sele kuchaziwe ngasentla. Amagqabaza ambalwa abonisa indlela ekubaluleke ngayo ukuba nabazali bokwenene bobabini entsatsheni. Umntu oceba ukuqhawula umtshato neqabane lakhe ufanele acinge kabini. Kakade ke, akukho mzali ufezekileyo, yaye maxa wambi ukuhlala kude kunokuba yimfuneko ngenxa, ngokomzekelo, ugonyamelo. Nangona kunjalo, kubantwana, eyona ndlela ingcono kukuba abazali bavumelane kwaye bafunde ukwamkelana:
Uphando lubonisa ngokucacileyo ukuba ulwakhiwo lwentsapho lubalulekile ebantwaneni yaye baxhaswa ngakumbi liqumrhu lentsapho, elinabazali ababini bemvelo emtshatweni abakhokela intsapho, yaye inqanaba lokungquzulana kwabazali liphantsi. Abantwana abakwiintsapho ezinomzali omnye, abantwana abazalwa ngoomama abangatshatanga, nabantwana abakwiintsapho ezixubeneyo okanye ezihlalisanayo basengozini enkulu yokukhula ngendlela embi... Yiyo loo nto kubalulekile ukuba umntwana akhuthaze imitshato eyomeleleyo nezinzileyo. phakathi kwabazali bebhayoloji. (21)
Ukuba besicelwa ukuba siyile inkqubo yokuqinisekisa ukuba zonke iimfuno ezisisiseko zabantwana ziyakhathalelwa, mhlawumbi besiya kuphelela ndaweni ithile, into efana nomnqweno wokuba nabazali ababini. Kwithiyori, olu hlobo lwesicwangciso aluqinisekisi kuphela ukuba abantwana bafumana ixesha kunye nezixhobo zabantu abadala ababini, libonelela ngenkqubo yokulawula kunye nokulinganisa, ekhuthaza ubuzali obuphezulu. Bobabini ubudlelwane bebhayoloji bomzali nomntwana kwandisa amathuba okuba abazali bakwazi ukuzifanisa nomntwana yaye bakulungele ukuzincama ngenxa yomntwana. Kwakhona kunciphisa amathuba okuba abazali baxhaphaze umntwana. (22)
Kuye kwaboniswa ngobubele ukuba abantwana abaphumeleli, nangona bekhathalelwe kakuhle ngokwasemzimbeni ukuba bagcinwe kumaziko angenabuntu, kwaye ukohlukana nomama - ngakumbi ngamaxesha athile - kuyingozi kakhulu emntwaneni. Iziphumo eziqhelekileyo zokhathalelo lweziko kukudodobala kwengqondo, ukungakhathali, ukuhlehla kwanokufa, xa umama obambeleyo waneleyo engekho. (23)
Njengoko kuchaziwe, ukubaluleka kwabazali bobabini kubomi babantwana kuye kwafunyaniswa kubalulekile. Oku kungqinwa ngamava asebenzayo kunye nezifundo ezininzi. Umzali ongenaqabane unokuba ngumzekelo kwindima yakhe njengomzali, kodwa oko akuthabatheli indawo umzali olahlekileyo wesini esahlukileyo. Ngokutsho kophando, abantwana abakhulele kwiintsapho eziqhekekileyo (iintsapho ezinomzali omnye, iintsapho ezitsha ...) zinezinye iintlobo zeengxaki ezilandelayo. Babonisa indlela obubaluleke ngayo ubukho bothando babo bobabini abazali bemvelo:
• Inqanaba lemfundo kunye nezinga lokuphumelela kwesikolo lisezantsi
• Amakhwenkwe akhule engenatata asoloko eqhutywa kubundlobongela nolwaphulo-mthetho
• Ukuphazamiseka ngokweemvakalelo, ukudakumba kunye neenzame zokuzibulala zixhaphake kakhulu kubantwana abangenabo bobabini abazali entsatsheni.
• Ukusetyenziswa kweziyobisi notywala kuxhaphakile
• Ukukhulelwa kolutsha kunye nokuxhatshazwa ngokwesondo kuxhaphakile
Abantwana abakhuliswe ngamafanasini babekwa njani kule meko? Ngamafutshane, baneengxaki ezifanayo nezabanye abantwana abaphuma kulwalamano lwentsapho olwaphukileyo. Le theyibhile ilandelayo, enxulumene nophando lwase-Australia lukaSotirios Sarantokis ngesi sifundo (22), inika isalathiso ngesifundo. Uphononongo awalulungiselelayo ngo-1996 lolona phando lukhulu luthelekisa iziphumo zokukhula kwabantwana de kwaba ngunyaka ka-2000. Olu phononongo luthathele ingqalelo iimvavanyo zabazali, iziphumo zesikolo kunye neemvavanyo zootishala malunga nokukhula kwabantwana:
Olunye uphononongo olufanayo lwenziwa ngunjingalwazi wentlalontle uMark Regnerus. Yayiphonononga umphumo wezakhiwo zentsapho ebantwaneni. Inzuzo yophononongo yayikukuba yayisekelwe kwisampulu engaqhelekanga kunye nesampulu enkulu (ulutsha lwe-15,000 lwaseMelika). Ukongeza, isampuli yandisiwe ngokubandakanya amakhaya apho omnye wabantu abadala wayekhe wathandana nesini esifanayo. Uphononongo lupapashwe kuPhando lwezeNzululwazi yezeNtlalo, upapasho oluphezulu lwentlalontle. Olu phononongo lubonise ukuba abantwana bamafanasini baneengxaki ezingokweemvakalelo nezentlalo ngakumbi kunabantwana abakhule benabazali bokwenene. URobert Oscar Lopez, yena owakhulela kumama athandana namanye amabhinqa kunye neqabane lakhe elibhinqileyo, wathetha ngophando lukaRegnerus:
Uphando lukaRegnerus luchonge abantwana abadala abangama-248 abazali babo babenobudlelwane bothando nomntu wesini esifanayo. Xa aba bantwana badala banikwa ithuba lokuvavanya ubuntwana babo ngokuphandle ngokwembono yobudala, banike iimpendulo ezingahambelani kakuhle nebango elilinganayo elikhoyo kwi-ajenda yomtshato ongathathi hlangothi ngokwesini. Nangona kunjalo, ezi ziphumo zixhaswa yinto ebalulekileyo ebomini, ingqiqo: Kunzima ukukhula ngokwahlukileyo kwabanye abantu, kwaye obu bunzima bandisa ingozi yokuba abantwana babe nobunzima bokuhlengahlengisa kwaye baya kuzinyanga ngokwabo ngotywala. kunye nezinye iindlela zokuziphatha eziyingozi. Ngamnye kwaba bangama-248 kudliwano-ndlebe nabo ngokungathandabuzekiyo unebali labo lomntu elinezinto ezininzi ezinzima. Njengebali lam, amabali aba bantu 248 kufanelekile ukubalisa. Umbutho wamafanasini wenza konke okusemandleni ukuqinisekisa ukuba akukho mntu umamelayo. (25)
Akufanele kusimangalise ukuba abantwana bezibini ezingamafanasini beneengxaki. Kuyafana nakubo bonke abantwana abasuka kumakhaya aqhekekileyo. Baneengxaki ezininzi ebomini babo kunabantwana abaye banelungelo lokukhula nentsapho ephilayo. Ukongeza, isiko lobufanasini yingxaki ebantwaneni, umz. ngenxa yezi zizathu zilandelayo. Zizisa ukungazinzi kubomi babantwana:
• Amafanasini anobudlelwane obuxengaxengayo. Oku kuyinyani ngakumbi kumafanasini abesilisa, abathi ngokophononongo olunye (Mercer et al 2009) banobudlelwane obuphindwe kahlanu kunamadoda athandana nesini esahlukileyo.
• Abafazi abathandana besini esifanayo babonakala ngobudlelwane obufutshane. Umahluko wepesenti yezibini ezibhinqileyo ufunyenwe uphezulu kakhulu kunalowo wezibini ezingamadoda. Ngaphezu koko, xa kuthelekiswa nabantu abathandana besini esahlukileyo, iipesenti zokwahlukana ziphezulu kakhulu. Oku kuzisa ukungazinzi kubomi babantwana.
• Xa inani labatshatileyo liphezulu kwaye ubuncinane omnye wabantu abadala ingenguye umzali womntwana, ingozi yokuxhatshazwa ngokwesondo iyenyuka. Uphononongo olwenziwe nguRegnerus lufumanise ukuba yi-2% kuphela yabantwana abakhuliswe ngutata nonina obazalayo abathi bakhe baphathwa kakubi ngokwesondo, lo gama i-23% yabantwana abakhuliswe ngumama ongatshatanga nabo bathi bakhe baxhatshazwa ngokwesondo. Into efanayo yayingaxhaphakanga phakathi kwamafanasini angamadoda kunakwizibini ezibhinqileyo.
• Njengoko kusaziwa, uninzi lwabalweli bombutho wamafanasini baye bachasa kwaye banyelisa izenzo ezinjalo apho abantu ngokuzithandela bafuna ukwahlukana nobomi bobufanasini. Bayihlasele besithi iyingozi. Nangona kunjalo, indlela yokuphila yamafanasini amaninzi iyingozi kwaye inobungozi ngenxa yobudlelwane obuninzi bezesondo. Amadoda ngokukhethekileyo asengozini eyongezelelekileyo yokwasulelwa zizifo ezosulela ngeentlobano zesini nezinye izifo ezisuka komnye umntu ziye komnye. Phakathi kwezinye izinto, uGawulayo yingxaki. Oku kunokubenza bufutshane kakhulu ubomi babo, kodwa kusenokuthabatha omnye umzali emntwaneni. Oku kwenza ukuba ubomi babantwana bungazinzi. Esi sicatshulwa silandelayo sisixelela ngakumbi ngalo mbandela. Luphononongo olukhokelwa nguGqr. Robert S. Hogg. Iqela lakhe liqokelele idatha kumadoda angama-gay kunye ne-bisexual kwindawo yaseVancouver ukusuka kwi-1987-1992. Uphononongo lujonge umphumo wesifo, kungekhona ukuthambekela, kumyinge weminyaka yokuphila. Ngethamsanqa, izitofu zokugonya ziye zaphuhliswa ukususela kumaxesha angaphambili,
Amathuba okuba amadoda amabini kunye namadoda angamafanasini aphile ukusuka kwiminyaka engama-20 ukuya kwiminyaka engama-65 yahluka phakathi kwama-32 nama-59 ekhulwini. La manani asezantsi kakhulu kunamanye amadoda ngokubanzi, abenamathuba angama-78 ekhulwini okuphila ukusuka kwiminyaka engama-20 ukuya kwiminyaka engama-65. ngaphantsi kweyamanye amadoda. Ukuba indlela efanayo yokufa bekuya kuqhubeka, ngokoqikelelo lwethu, phantse isiqingatha samadoda athandana nesini esifana nesomntu ngoku akwiminyaka yama-20s awasayi kufikelela kwiminyaka engama-65 yokuzalwa. Nangezona ngcinga zikhululekileyo, amadoda angama-gay kunye nesini esibini kweli ziko lasedolophini okwangoku aphila ubomi obulingana nowawo onke amadoda aseCanada ngo-1871. (26)
BENZA NJANI ABANTU KOKU? Njengoko kuchaziwe, umzali ongenaqabane olifanasini unokwenza konke okusemandleni akhe kwindima yakhe njengomzali aze azame ukuba ngumzali olungileyo emntwaneni wakhe. Awunakuyikhanyela loo nto. Noko ke, kukwayinyaniso ukuba ulwakhiwo lwentsapho lubalulekile. Izifundo ezininzi, amava obomi obusebenzayo kunye nengqiqo eqhelekileyo zibonisa ukuba okona kulungileyo ukuba abantwana bakhulele enkampanini kunye nokunyanyekelwa ngothando kwabazali babo bemvelo. Kambe ke, oku akusoloko kusenzeka ngokugqibeleleyo ngenxa yokuba abazali beneziphene, kodwa ngokuqhelekileyo, abantwana baye bafunyaniswa beqhuba kakuhle ngakumbi ukuba bobabini abazali bemvelo bekhona. Ke abaxhasi bomtshato ongathathi hlangothi ngokwesini basabela njani kolu lwazi, okanye ukuba luthandabuza indlela yokuphila yobufanasini? Idla ngokubonakala njengokusabela kulandelayo:
Izityholo zokuthiywa kwamafanasini nentetho enentiyo zixhaphakile. Abantu abaninzi bayasibeka esi sityholo, kodwa musa ukucinga ukuba nokuba asivumelani ngezinto, oko akuthethi ukuthiya omnye umntu. Abo baxambulisanayo abanakuyazi indlela acinga ngayo omnye umntu yaye basenokungayiqondi into yokuba phezu kwako nje ukungavisisani, omnye umntu unokuthandwa, okanye ubuncinane uzame ukuthanda. Lo mahluko kufuneka uqondwe. Kwelinye icala, iqhelekile into yokuba abona baxhasi banenzondelelo bomtshato ongakhethi cala kwisini banyelise kwaye batyhole abantu ababona izinto ngokwahlukileyo kunabo. Nangona bebanga ukuba bamele uthando, abakwenzi oko. Ukuba nawe ungumhlebi ngolo hlobo, uzuza ntoni kuko okanye ukuba wonke umntu uyamkholisa ngendlela ophila ngayo?
Isityholo sokutyhola. Ngaphambili kuchazwe indlela isakhiwo sentsapho esibaluleke ngayo kwintlalontle yabantwana. Kuye kwafunyaniswa ukuba ukukhulelwa kolutsha, ulwaphulo-mthetho, ukusebenzisa kakubi iziyobisi neengxaki ezingokweemvakalelo zixhaphake ngakumbi kwiintsapho apho ubuncinane omnye wabazali bokwenene engekho. Oku kunefuthe nakwezemali, njengoko iindleko zoluntu zinyuka. Umzekelo, uphando olwenziwa e-USA ngo-2008 lubonise ukuba uqhawulo-mtshato kunye nabantwana abazalwa ngaphandle komtshato baxabisa abahlawuli berhafu i-112 yeebhiliyoni zeedola ngonyaka (Girgis et al 2012: 46). Ngokufanayo, i-Etelä-Suomen sanomat inike ingxelo ngo-Oktobha 31, 2010: Ukunyamekelwa kwamaziko kubantwana kunye nabantu abaselula kungekudala kuya kuxabisa ibhiliyoni, Iingxaki zabantwana ziye zanda kakhulu ukususela ekuqaleni kweminyaka yee-1990 ... Ukunyamekela iziko lomntwana omnye kubiza ukuya kwi-100,000 yee-euro ngonyaka. .... Ukongeza, uAamulehti wenze ingxelo ngoMatshi 3, 2013: Umntu omtsha ojongelwa phantsi uxabisa i-1.8 yezigidi. Ukuba nokuba omnye ubuyiselwe eluntwini, umphumo uba mhle. Basabela njani abanye kule nkcazelo? Basenokuthi ngoku abazali abangenamaqabane omtshato, abazali abangamafanasini okanye abo baqhawukelwe yimitshato yabo babekek’ ityala. Nangona kunjalo, akufuneki ujonge kulo mbono. Kanye ngokunjalo, wonke umntu unokucinga ngendlela izinto ezinokulungiswa ngayo ukuze zibe ngcono. Ukuba umntu uceba, umzekelo, ukushiya iqabane lakhe kunye nosapho, kufuneka acinge kabini, kuba kunokuba nemiphumo enzulu kubantwana nakwikamva labo. (Ngokuqhelekileyo ngabantwana kuphela abaye balubona baza bajamelana nogonyamelo oluphindaphindiweyo abanokufumana isiqabu kukwahlukana kwabazali babo.) Okanye ukuba ifanasini liceba ukuba nomntwana ngeendlela ezingezozamvelo, lifanele licinge ngendlela umntwana avakalelwa ngayo ngokuphila ngaphandle koyise okanye umama. Ulwazi olungokubaluleka kolwakhiwo lwentsapho kubantwana lufana noko kulwazi olungeengenelo zokwenza umthambo okanye iingozi zokutshaya empilweni. Olu lwazi lukhona, kodwa ayinguye wonke umntu osabela kuyo. Nangona kunjalo, ukuba silandela ulwazi olukhoyo kumntu wonke, luya kuphucula impilo yethu yomzimba.
"Uphando lwenkunkuma" . Nangona ingqiqo esebenzayo kunye namava obomi bemihla ngemihla exhasa ukuba kuhle kubantwana ukuba bavunyelwe ukuba bakhulele kwintsapho yabazali bobabini bemvelo, abanye abona baxhasi banenzondelelo bomtshato ongathathi hlangothi ngokwesini bayazama ukukukhanyela oku. Bathi ubukho bomzali wemvelo akubalulekanga, kodwa omnye umntu omdala unokuthatha indawo yobukho bomzali olahlekileyo. Apha bacaphula izifundo ezithile ezingqina olu luvo. Ngelo xesha, kuchazwa ukuba lonke ulwazi lwangaphambili malunga nentsingiselo yezakhiwo zentsapho "uphando olungenamsebenzi" kunye nolwazi olungenalo isayensi. Yiyo loo nto becinga ukuba ifanele yaliwe. Nangona kunjalo, ukuba ujonga kwizifundo ezibhekiswa kubaxhasi bomtshato ongathathi hlangothi ngokwesini, kunokuba bahlangabezane neempawu zolwazi olungahambelani nesayensi. Isizathu umz. ezi meko zilandelayo:
Isampuli yezifundo zincinci , ngokomndilili kuphela 30-60 udliwano-ndlebe. Iisayizi ezincinci zeesampulu azikwazi ukunika iziphumo ezibalulekileyo ngokwezibalo. Ukuze wenze ulungelelwaniso, ubungakanani besampulu kufuneka buphindaphindwe.
Amaqela othelekiso alahlekile okanye ziintsapho ezaphukileyo. Ingxaki ngezifundo ezininzi kukuba abanawo amaqela othelekiso lwezibini zesini esahlukileyo kwaphela. Okanye ukuba kukho iqela elithelekisayo, ngokufuthi idla ngokuba yintsapho enomzali omnye, ebuyiselweyo okanye ehlala ndawonye. Imitshato yabazali bemvelo, eyaziwa njengeyona ilungele ukukhula kwabantwana, ayifane isetyenziswe njengeqela lokuthelekisa. Kwakusele kuchaziwe ngaphambili ukuba abantwana abakwiintsapho ezaphukileyo baneengxaki ezingakumbi.
Ukususela kwizifundo ze-59 ezisetyenziswa yi-APA, i-26 ayizange ibe neqela lokuthelekisa elibandakanya izibini zesini esahlukileyo konke konke. Izifundo ezingama-33 zineqela elinjalo lothelekiso, kodwa kwizifundo ezili-13 iqela elithelekisayo yayiziintsapho ezinomzali omnye. Kwizifundo ezingama-20 eziseleyo, akucaci ukuba iqela lothelekiso ngumzali omnye, isibini esihlalisanayo, usapho olutsha okanye isibini esitshatileyo esenziwe ngabazali bemvelo bomntwana. Le ntsilelo iyodwa yenza i-generalization ibe yingxaki, kuba uBrown (2004: 364) uthi kuphononongo lwakhe lokuhlalutya abantwana baseMelika abangama-35,938 kunye nabazali babo ukuba kungakhathaliseki ukuba ziziphi na izibonelelo zemali kunye nomzali, abantu abatsha (abaneminyaka eyi-12-17 ubudala) baneziphumo eziphantsi kwiintsapho zezibini ezihlala kunye. kuneentsapho zabazali bokwenene abatshatileyo. (27)
Akukho sampling random kunye nolwazi ngokubaluleka kodliwano-ndlebe . Xa iisampulu zincinci, enye ingxaki kukuba uninzi lwazo alusekelwanga kwisampulu engaqhelekanga, kodwa abo kudliwano-ndlebe nabo bagaywa kwiiforam zamatshantliziyo. Abantu ebekusenziwa udliwano-ndlebe nabo basenokuba bayazi ngokubaluleka kwezopolitiko kolu phando kwaye ke ngoko banike iimpendulo "ezifanelekileyo". Ngaphandle koko, ngubani ofuna ukuthetha kakubi ngentlalo-ntle yabantwana bakhe okanye yomntwana ngabazali bakhe, kuba efuna imvume kabani? Ngale ndlela, izifundo ezininzi kule ndima zisikhumbuza ngezifundo ezilungiselelwe kumashumi eminyaka eyadlulayo nguAlfred Kinsey. Ayengasekelwanga kwisampulu engaqhelekanga, kodwa inxalenye ebalulekileyo yeziphumo zophando lukaKinsey zivela kubaxhaphazi ngokwesondo, abadlwenguli, iipimps, pedophiles, abathengi beebhari zamadoda kunye nabanye abantu abatenxa ngokwesondo. Iziphumo ze-Kinsey zathi zimele umyinge waseMelika, kodwa izifundo ezilandelayo zinike iziphumo ezihluke ngokupheleleyo kwaye zichasa ulwazi olunikezwa nguKinsey. UGqr Judith Reisman ubhale ngalo mbandela kwincwadi yakhe enempembelelo ethi "Kinsey: Crimes & Consequences" (1998).
Ukufuna injongo? Xa ekugqibeleni ukuqhomfa kwenziwa ngokusemthethweni, kwathiwa ukuqhomfa ngokungekho mthethweni kwakusenziwa ngamanani amaninzi. Ngokomzekelo, kwathiwa ama-30,000 aqhomfa ngokungekho mthethweni eFinland minyaka le, nangona emva kokutshintshwa komthetho, amanani ahlala malunga ne-10,000 kuphela. Yintoni eyabangela iyantlukwano engaka? Abanye abathetheleli bokuqhomfa baye bavuma ngokuphandle emva koko ukuba bawabaxile amanani ukuze baphembelele abenzi bomthetho kunye noluvo loluntu. Umntu unokubuza ukuba kukho injongo efanayo na kwizifundo ezininzi ezinxulumene nomtshato ongathathi hlangothi ngokwesini. Abanye baye bavuma ukuba olo sukelo luye lwenzeka. Abaphandi baye bayibetha ngoyaba iyantlukwano ecacileyo enokubonwa kuba befuna ukubonisa ukuba ukwakheka kwentsapho akunamsebenzi ekukhuleni kwabantwana. La magqabantshintshi alandelayo abhekisa koku:
UStacey noBiblarz (2001: 162) bayavuma ukuba ngenxa yokuba abaphandi bebefuna ukubonisa ukuba ukukhulisa abantwana ngabantu abathandana besini esifanayo kuyafana nokuba ngumzali kumaqabane athandana nesini esahlukileyo, abaphandi abanovelwano bawuphatha ngononophelo umahluko phakathi kwezi ntlobo zosapho. Ngamanye amazwi, nangona abaphandi baye bafumana iyantlukwano ekukhulisweni kwabantu abadala abahlala kunye, abazange bawahoye, bajonge ukubaluleka kwabo, okanye basilele ukuqhuba uphando olungakumbi malunga neeyantlukwano. Ukuziphatha ngokwesondo kwabazali kwabachaphazela abantwana babo ngaphezu kokuba abaphandi bakhupha (Stacey & Biblarz 2001: 167). (28)
Siyazi nokuba uninzi lophando lwenziwa ngabaphandi abambalwa. Maxa wambi baye basebenzisane. Ngapha koko, abanye babo banemvelaphi yobufanasini okanye baxhasa umtshato ongakhethi cala kwisini. Esi sisiseko esibi sophando olungakhethi cala.
Impembelelo yembono yabaphandi ngabanye igxininiswe kuba abaphandi abambalwa baye benza inxalenye enkulu yezifundo ze-60 ezibuzwayo. UCharlotte J. Patterson ungumbhali-mbhali kwishumi elinesibini kwezo zifundo ziyi-60, uHenny Bos kwisithoba, uNanette Gartrell kwisixhenxe, uJudith Stacey no-Abbie Goldberg ngababhali-ndawonye kwizine, kwaye abanye abambalwa ngababhali abakunye kwizifundo ezithathu. Ngokufuthi baye benza uphando kunye. Oku kunciphisa inani lezifundo ezizimeleyo kwaye kwandisa impembelelo yokukhetha abaphandi. Oku kuchaza ukuba kutheni amabango afanayo aphindwaphindwa kwizifundo ezininzi. UCharlotte Patterson ungunjingalwazi wezengqondo kwiYunivesithi yaseVirginia. Ukongeza kumsebenzi wakhe wophando olubanzi, naye unamava okuqala kwizenzo zomzali kwintsapho yesini esifanayo: uye wakhulisa abantwana abathathu kumanyano wakhe we-30 weminyaka kunye noDeborah Cohn. U-Nanette Gartrell, kunye nenkosikazi yakhe uDee Mosbacher, baye bakhusela amalungelo abantu abathandana besini esifanayo kwaye ebengoyena mphandi kwiprojekthi yophando yase-US National Longitudinal Lesbian Family Study (NLLFS) exhaswa ngemali yimibutho eliqela eyaziwayo yabantu abathandana besini esifanayo. UHenny Bos usebenza njengonjingalwazi wezemfundo kwiYunivesithi yaseAmsterdam kwaye uthathe inxaxheba kunye noNanette Gartrell kwiprojekthi yophando ye-NLLFS. UAbbie Goldberg ngunjingalwazi wezengqondo kwiYunivesithi yaseClark eWorcester, Massachusetts. Uthi kwasekuqaleni komsebenzi wakhe wophando, wafumana ingxaki yokuba "izenzo zoluntu kunye nemithombo yeendaba zibonakalisa into ebizwa ngokuba yisiqhelo, engasalawulekiyo (okuthi, ubume bosapho lwenyukliya)". Kwiingcamango zakhe ezininzi zeengcali, uJudith Stacey uye wakhusela umtshato ongathathi hlangothi ngokwesini, nangona ecinga ukuba eyona ndlela ingcono kukuphelisa lonke iziko lomtshato. Ngokoluvo lwakhe, ilungiselelo lomtshato ngokwalo liyakwandisa ukungalingani. (29) nangona ecinga ukuba eyona ndlela ilungileyo kukuphelisa lonke ilungiselelo lomtshato. Ngokoluvo lwakhe, ilungiselelo lomtshato ngokwalo liyakwandisa ukungalingani. (29) nangona ecinga ukuba eyona ndlela ilungileyo kukuphelisa lonke ilungiselelo lomtshato. Ngokoluvo lwakhe, ilungiselelo lomtshato ngokwalo liyakwandisa ukungalingani. (29)
Uthando . Xa amaNazi ayekhusela i-euthanasia, esinye sezizathu yayiluvelwano. Kwacaciswa ukuba asingabo bonke ubomi bomntu obufanele ukuphila, yaye kungenxa yoko, phakathi kwezinye izinto, iifilimu zobuxoki zenziwa ukuzama ukuthethelela lo mbandela. Egameni lovelwano, kwenziwa izigqibo ezathi ekugqibeleni zakhokelela kwimiphumo ebuhlungu. Izinto ezininzi zikhuselwe nanamhlanje egameni lothando. Kakade ke, akuphosakalanga ukuba uthando lukhuselwe, kodwa ngokufuthi enyanisweni lusenokuba sisigqubuthelo sokuzingca, ngokukodwa xa umntu omdala ebonakalisa ukuzingca ngomntwana. Njengoko kubonakala imisinga emitsha kuluntu kumashumi eminyaka akutshanje, uninzi lwazo lunxulumana ngokuchanekileyo nabantwana. Abantwana banyanzelwa ukuba bafumane iziphumo zokhetho lwabantu abadala. Inguqu ngokwesondo, ukuqhomfa, kunye nomtshato ongakhethi cala ngokwesini yimizekelo emithathu:
• Uluvo lwenguquko ngokwesondo yayikukuba kulungile ukwabelana ngesondo ngaphandle kokuzinikela emtshatweni. Lo mba wathethelelwa ngelithi “akukho nto imbi ukuba abantu bayathandana bobabini”. Ube yintoni kwaye uyintoni umphumo ukuba umntwana uzalelwa kwimeko apho abazali bengazinikelanga omnye komnye ngaphambi koko? Eyona nto ivuyisayo ngokuqinisekileyo lukhetho apho abazali badibana ngokukhawuleza kwaye umntwana azalelwe kwikhaya elinabazali bobabini. Noko ke, uqheliselo ludla ngokwahlukileyo. Abazali basenokuqhomfa okanye bahlukane aze umntwana ahlale phantsi komzali omnye (okanye utata ongenaqabane). Inkululeko yokwabelana ngesondo, enokuthi ikhuselwe ngothando, ngoko ayilokhetho lufanelekileyo emntwaneni.
• Ukuqhomfa kwenzeka emva kwenguqu kwezesondo. Nanamhlanje, abakhuseli balo mbandela abakwazi ukunika inkcazo malunga nokuba kutheni umntwana esibelekweni sikanina, onamalungu omzimba afanayo (amehlo, impumlo, umlomo, imilenze, izandla) njengomntwana osanda kuzalwa okanye, umzekelo, Umntwana oneminyaka eli-10 ubudala, uya kuba ngumntu ongaphantsi. Ukuhlala nje esibelekweni sikamama akufanele kube sisiseko.
• Umtshato ongathathi hlangothi ngokwesini – umxholo weli nqaku – nawo unokuba yingxaki ebantwaneni. Ngenxa yokuba ukuba abantwana bafunyanwa kumanyano olunjalo ngeendlela zokwenziwa okanye ubudlelwane be-hetero bexeshana, kushiya umntwana kwimeko apho ulahlekelwa ubuncinane omnye wabazali bakhe bemvelo ekhaya.
References:
1. Wendy Wright: French Homosexuals Join Demonstration Against Gay Marriage, Catholic Family & Human Rights Institute, January 18, 2013 2. Liisa Tuovinen, ”Synti vai siunaus?” Inhimillinen tekijä. TV2, 2.11.2004, klo 22.05. 3. Bill Hybels: Kristityt seksihullussa kulttuurissa (Christians in a Sex Crazed Culture), p. 132 4. Espen Ottosen: Minun homoseksuaalit ystäväni (”Mine homofile venner”), p. 104 5. Espen Ottosen: Minun homoseksuaalit ystäväni (”Mine homofile venner”), p. 131 6. Lesboidentiteetti ja kristillisyys, p. 87, Seta julkaisut 7. Sinikka Pellinen: Homoseksuaalinen identiteetti ja kristillinen usko, p. 77, Teron kertomus 8. Ari Puonti: Suhteesta siunaukseen, p. 76,77 9. John Corvino: Mitä väärää on homoseksualisuudessa?, p. 161 10. Tapio Puolimatka: Seksuaalivallankumous, perheen ja kulttuurin romahdus, p. 172 11. Jean-Pierre Delaume-Myard: Homosexuel contre le marriage pour tous (2013), Deboiris, p. 94 12. Jean-Pierre Delaume-Myard: Homosexuel contre le marriage pour tous (2013), Deboiris, p. 210 13. Jean-Pierre Delaume-Myard: Homosexuel contre le marriage pour tous (2013), Deboiris, p. 212 14. Jean-Marc Guénois: “J’ai été élevé par deux femmes”, Le Figaro 1.10.2013 15. Tapio Puolimatka: Lapsen ihmisoikeus, oikeus isään ja äitiin, p. 28,29 16. Frank Litgvoet: “The Misnomer of Motherless Parenting”, New York Times 07/2013 17. Tapio Puolimatka: Lapsen ihmisoikeus, oikeus isään ja äitiin, p. 43,44 18. Alana Newman: Testimony of Alana S. Newman. Opposition to AB460. To the California Assembly Committee on Health, April 30, 2013. 19. Edwin Louis Cole: Miehuuden haaste, p. 104 20. David Popenoe (1996): Life without Father: Compelling New Evidence That Fatherhood and Marriage Are Indispensable for the Good of Children and Society. New York: Free Press. 21. Kristin Anderson Moore & Susan M. Jekielek & Carol Emig:” Marriage from a Child’s Perspective: How Does Family Structure Affect Children and What Can We do About it”, Child Trends Research Brief, Child Trends, June 2002, http:www. childrentrends.org&/files/marriagerb602.pdf.) 22. Sara McLanahan & Gary Sandefur: Growing Up with a Single Parent: What Hurts, What Helps, p. 38 23. Margaret Mead: Some Theoretical Considerations on the Problem of Mother-Child Separation, American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, vol. 24, 1954, p. 474 24. Sotirios Sarantakos: Children in Three Contexts: Family, Education and Social Development, Children Australia 21, 23-31, (1996) 25. Robert Oscar Lopez: Growing Up With Two Moms: The Untold Cgildren’s View, The Public Discourse, Augustth, 2012 26. International Journal of Epidemiology Modelling the Impact of HIV Disease on Mortality in Gay and Bisexual men; International Journal of Epidemiology; Vol. 26, No 3, p. 657 27. Tapio Puolimatka: Lapsen ihmisoikeus, oikeus isään ja äitiin, p. 166 28. Tapio Puolimatka: Lapsen ihmisoikeus, oikeus isään ja äitiin, p. 176 29. Tapio Puolimatka: Lapsen ihmisoikeus, oikeus isään ja äitiin, p. 178,179
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Jesus is the way, the truth and the life
Grap to eternal life!
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Other Google Translate machine translations:
Izigidi zeminyaka / iidinosaur /
ngendaleko yabantu? |
