Sex addiction

Sex addiction, pornography and masturbation bind the lives of many. What does the Bible say about this?

The following lines will discuss sex addiction. The purpose is to highlight its most important cornerstones such as mental images and fantasies, pornography and masturbation. Through them we will try to study what this addiction is like, and what life is like for people who fill their time with thinking about these things and who are directed by these thoughts. Also, there is a spiritual aspect to this topic that we will consider.

Imagination and dreams are normal for most people. They occur in almost everyone, but a person addicted to sex is different in that daydreams or fantasies play a big part in their normal lives. His mind constantly revolves around fantasies and images related to sex scenes: either past experiences or plans for the future. He can think and dream about sex with people he meets, with men's magazine women, or watch movies that lead to the same. Pornographic material is not always needed, but he can form his images in quite ordinary situations where others would not see anything arousing. Very small things can trigger his imagination, which often leads to masturbation. In addition, some people's sexual interest and images may only focus on certain parts of the body, such as breasts or legs, which they especially dream of touching. There are many variations in this area.

    The following quotation describes this situation. It shows how images and fantasies guide the life of a sex addict. He is looking for a perfect image and experience to get satisfaction, the kind he may have experienced when he was younger. In addition, there is a strong addiction that is increasingly difficult to satisfy. Things that used to give pleasure no longer give the same experience. As a result, he is often also dissatisfied with the sex life of the marriage. When no amount of satisfaction is enough for him, it affects the relationship between the spouses as well:

My new interest enabled that I was able to cause myself physical pleasure whenever I wanted. Now, I had the situation perfectly under my control. In my imagination, I chose a girl or girls. As I was in the upper level of comprehensive school, I thought more about girls than school work, and I fixed my attention also to female teachers. They were, actually, closer to the pornographic magazines, as comes to both their age and body. Even though, I had some clumsy experimentations with sex already as a young boy, I must say honestly that they were a disappointment compared to my fantasy world. Especially when the commonly accepted porn magazines began to be more and more daring.

   (…) At the age of sixteen, I met a girl who became my wife. She had all those physical characteristics I had learnt to admire. (…) Even though we enjoyed love-making almost every day when I was sixteen, my appetite was more and more difficult to satisfy. After having been married for a few years, I began to be addicted to very common spontaneous and exciting experiences appearing in porn magazines. When my desires were not satisfied, I turned to films in addition to magazines. My mind was so full of these images that even then, as I had sex with my wife, I had images of other women in my thoughts.

   After some time, I could be found looking at porn in places, in which it was possible to rent a private room, I looked at pictures and took part in sex acts I could never experience at home. I began to feel dissatisfaction at home, I pressed my wife either to grow sexually with me or to accept that I would leave her. (…) The images impressed on my mind in my childhood were so powerful that I searched out old magazines and paid a top price for some issues, just to get the same experiences as a child. In addition to demanding huge sexual performances from my wife, I had also hundreds of men’s magazine lovers to satisfy me and I also regularly visited a video store to maintain my interest. But nothing, nothing could satisfy me sexually. (1)

Pornography , which is especially the problem of men, is the second main factor in the life of a sex addict. This can mean porn magazines, films or material on the Internet that is used to seek for satisfaction. Likewise, the man in the previous story told how he had hundreds of lovers from porn magazines and how he rented films, another activity often found in people who are sex addicts. They spend their time and perhaps also their money on pornographic material so that they will get a momentary relief. The next quotation is a good example of this:

Some time ago, I tried to help a woman whose husband was addicted to porn. I asked the woman to chart the behavior of her husband so that we could define his problems more closely. The woman brought to me a telephone bill of over a thousand Finnish marks. We realised that the man made 20–30 calls to a porn telephone every evening. The man also had a lot of porn magazines and films. The man was an addict and his addiction had destroyed the marriage of this couple. (2)

One problem with pornography is that it doesn't bring anyone long-term satisfaction. It's as if you're promised that in this magazine, film or page you'll find the erotic image you've always been looking for and longing for, but the satisfaction does not last for long. Over time, many people experience the same thing as alcoholics or drug addicts: they need more and more intense stimuli to experience the same arousal as in the early days, because the amount of pleasure decreases.

    Also, the man in the story before described how he got old magazines in order to get the same experiences as he had when he was younger. It shows how we can get used to things and they no longer feel the same. The addiction may become greater and greater, but we feel even more empty. This is how it happens to us in almost every matter that becomes everyday. They no longer feel the same as before. That's why the sex life of older people, after decades of practice, is usually not as passionate as what they experienced when they were younger:

This man wrote, “I am disabled by my emotional life. I have been disabled by my addiction to porn. It paralyses my spiritual life, it distorts my view of the world, it warps my relations with people, it causes damage in my emotional life, it leaves me empty and destroys all possibility that God could use me, and I can’t stop. (…) Lust wears me out and doesn’t satisfy me anymore. Porn only adds up to the problem. It promises everything, but doesn’t give anything and it seems that I can’t stop. (3)

Is masturbation a sin? Masturbation, which means stimulating the genitals with one's own hands, is a very common phenomenon in many people's lives. It is estimated that even more than 80% of people practice it during their lifetime, boys slightly more than girls. Even in the life of a sex addict, it is one of the main factors. He might be addicted to it like pornography, which he can use to get into the right mood. In general, what we watch and read affects our behavior. Therefore, pornographic material can give impetus to masturbation:

My whole masturbation problem comes basically from what I put into my mind. I used to look at television programs having loose morals, and in some cases programs of cable television showing naked people. These kinds of scenes are so shocking that they stay in my mind. They welled out in my mind again and gave me the spiritual fuel I needed to begin masturbating.” (4)

Masturbation is also something that is hard to get rid of. Many are in the same position as an alcoholic with alcohol or a drug addict. Their need to do it can be so great and the pressure can become unbearable that they cannot control themselves. They may think immediately after their experience that they will never practice it again, and perhaps they have no need for a few days, but gradually the desire, as it were, creeps up on them and begins to dominate their thoughts again. As a result of this, they give in. Often the background is a situation where you are frustrated, depressed and feel restless. It can lead to masturbation to get temporary relief from negative feelings:

I have tried everything, such as concentrating more on my studies. But after a few hours, the pressure comes again, and I give in to get rid of that feeling. I realized that I’m especially liable to given in to the temptation after a test, when I’m fully exhausted and glad that it’s over, or as I told you before, when I get stuck with some problem in my homework and am frustrated.

 (…) All these pressures from the outside and internal feelings cause a tension I try to ease with masturbation. In my life, masturbation always begins with depression, never with happiness. But up until now, I have dealt with this problem only superficially. (5)

What about masturbation in the light of the Word? Is it a sin and what is the Bible's position on it? Is it mentioned in the Bible?

    The answer to the previous one, however, is that it is not spoken about directly in the Bible. Nowhere is there a direct reference to it, but all the books of the Bible are silent on this matter.

    Instead, we can see how the Bible talks about the purity of the mind, God's will, and that lust should not control our minds. When masturbation almost invariably involves images, they are clearly lust, which is a precursor to the act. Many people feel condemned and dirty after masturbating and it's because of these images. They show our lack and imperfection: we are unable or unwilling to control our thoughts:

- (Matt 5:28) But I say to you, That whoever looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart.

- (James 1:14,15) But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed.

15 Then when lust has conceived, it brings forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, brings forth death.

- (Rom 6:12) Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, that you should obey it in the lusts thereof.

- (Luke 8:14) And that which fell among thorns are they, which, when they have heard, go forth, and are choked with cares and riches and pleasures of this life, and bring no fruit to perfection.

Sexual relationships. When continuing to discuss sexuality, it is good to state that it is not a bad thing in itself. On the contrary, it is already clear from the first book of Moses that “It is not good that the man should be alone” (Gen 2:18) and that marriage is meant for closeness. A sexual relationship between a man and a wife is a good thing and they are obliged to fulfill each other's sexual needs. It is important to see this issue in the right light and to understand that freely expressing yourself in the marriage bed is not wrong. It should be part of the relationship:

- (1 Cor 7:1-5) Now concerning the things whereof you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.

2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.

3 Let the husband render to the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife to the husband.

4 The wife has not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband has not power of his own body, but the wife.

5 Defraud you not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.

- (Hebr 13:4) Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled: but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.

Instead, it often happens in the lives of some sex addicts that they go to the wrong areas because of their lust; they resort to sex outside the marriage. For some, it can mean looking for a sex partner on the internet, paid sex, or participating in sexual experiments between unmarried persons, which they often justify by saying: "I guess there's nothing wrong with it if people love each other." With these things they seek to fill their lives and seek quick pleasure, fixating only on the present moment. The prodigal son in Jesus' parable, who lived licentiously, is a good example of such an attitude:

- (Luke 15:11-14) And he said, A certain man had two sons:

12 And the younger of them said to his father, Father, give me the portion of goods that falls to me. And he divided to them his living.

13 And not many days after the younger son gathered all together, and took his journey into a far country, and there wasted his substance with riotous living.

14 And when he had spent all, there arose a mighty famine in that land; and he began to be in want.

But it's good to note that the actions we do matter. If we choose a fornicating lifestyle and focus on the superficial and usually only short-term pleasures of this life, we are certainly not acting rationally. Jesus said very clearly: “For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?” (Matt 16:26), and therefore, it is worthwhile to think about how we are investing our life: are we living for only this moment or for the future? If these things are viewed in the light of eternity and compared to it, the pleasure they bring is really short-lived and worthless. Because of them, it is not worth losing the gift of eternal life that God offers. Therefore, understand the meaning of these verses and also think about things in the longer term:

- (Rev 21:5-7) And he that sat on the throne said, Behold, I make all things new.  And he said to me, Write: for these words are true and faithful.

6 And he said to me, It is done. I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. I will give to him that is thirsty of the fountain of the water of life freely.

7 He that overcomes shall inherit all things; and I will be his God, and he shall be my son.

- (Rev 22:17) And the Spirit and the bride say, Come. And let him that hears say, Come. And let him that is thirsty come. And whoever will, let him take the water of life freely.

NEW LIFE. When a sexual sin, like any sin, separates us from God, the next question is, how can we receive forgiveness of sins and new life from God? What does the Bible teach about receiving eternal life and is there hope for such a person who has lived deeply in sin, fornication, homosexuality or other sins? Is there a solution to this issue?

    However, the answer to the previous one is simple. We must turn to God and confess our wrongdoing to Him. We must tell Him how we have lived far away from Him, but now we want to turn to Him so that His will would come true in our life. The Bible also shows that when we do this, we receive forgiveness from God for all our sins. It applies just as much to small sinners as, for example, to prostitutes, criminals or those who spread pornography. Everyone can receive the same forgiveness of sins through Jesus Christ, and God says to such a person: "My beloved child." Let this good thing happen in your life so that you don't regret your wrong choices later:

- (Luke 15:13,17-20) And not many days after the younger son gathered all together, and took his journey into a far country, and there wasted his substance with riotous living.

17 And when he came to himself, he said, How many hired servants of my father’s have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger!

18 I will arise and go to my father, and will say to him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before you,

19 And am no more worthy to be called your son: make me as one of your hired servants.

20 And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him.“

- (Isa 1:18) Come now, and let us reason together, said the LORD: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.

- (1 John 1:9) If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

- (Acts 13:38) Be it known to you therefore, men and brothers, that through this man is preached to you the forgiveness of sins

In order for the previous thing to also come true in practice, you can pray according to the following model, for example:

Lord, Jesus, I turn to You. I confess that I have sinned against You and have not lived according to Your will. However, I want to turn away from my sins and follow You with all my heart. I also believe that my sins have been forgiven through Your atonement and I have received eternal life through You. I thank You for the salvation that You have given me. Amen.

UNDER GRACE. Nowadays, there are a lot of people who are not very careful about their lifestyle. They think that when they are under grace they can do almost anything. They can say: "God will forgive me if I repent later", but they don't even want to think about changing their lifestyle. They do not consider how Paul wrote: “Know you not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God?  Be not deceived…” (1 Cor 6:9,10). In the same way, Jesus said the following about disobedience and its opposite:

- (Matt 7:23) And then will I profess to them, I never knew you: depart from me, you that work iniquity.

- (John 14:15) If you love me, keep my commandments.

But what about the kind of person, who wants to do God's will and give up sin, but who struggles with his sexuality and occasionally yields to the temptation of masturbation, for example? Does the Bible have anything to say on this matter and how can we be freed?

    However, the answer is found in God's grace. If you personally have received Jesus Christ into your life and want to follow him, you are always forgiven, under grace and the object of God's love. This is despite the fact that you have fallen. Our falls and imperfection cannot prevent us from being under grace and saved all the time, as the next verses indicate. It is also good to understand that the same God who has given us his grace is powerful to free us from all wrong addictions and sins:

- (Eph 2:8,9) For by grace are you saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God:

9 Not of works, lest any man should boast.

- (Rom 5:1,2) Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ:

2 By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.

- (Rom 6:14,15)  For sin shall not have dominion over you: for you are not under the law, but under grace.

15 What then? shall we sin, because we are not under the law, but under grace? God forbid.

- (Phil 1:7) Even as it is meet for me to think this of you all, because I have you in my heart; inasmuch as both in my bonds, and in the defense and confirmation of the gospel, you all are partakers of my grace.

- (1 Peter 2:10) Which in time past were not a people, but are now the people of God: which had not obtained mercy, but now have obtained mercy.

- (1 Peter 5:12) By Silvanus, a faithful brother to you, as I suppose, I have written briefly, exhorting, and testifying that this is the true grace of God wherein you stand.

REFERENCES:

1. Bill Hybels,  Kristityt seksihullussa kulttuurissa (Christians in a Sex Crazed Culture), p. 98-100

2. Same, p. 105

3. Same, p. 104

4. Nuoret kysyvät – käytännöllisiä vastauksia, p. 200, Jehovah’s witnesses

5. Ingrid and Walter Trobish, Se tuntuu niin ihanalta (Mein schönes Gefuhl), p. 21, 77

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More on this topic:

Porn and sex. Porn, Nudity, dogging, sex, prostitution, nudity - why do people drift into them?

Sexuality, love, equality. Sexuality, love and equality - is all sexual behavior right?

Sexuality under analysis. The origin of sexuality; From God or the result of evolution? Improper sexual behavior leads to suffering

Satisfaction. Planning for the future without regard for God and eternity is madness