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Porn, sex, dogging, eternity
Porn, nudes, dogging, sex, prostitution, nudity - why do people drift into them?
Pornography, sex, dogging, dreams, masturbation, prostitution and all other behaviours connected with sexuality are issues that interest people and they will be handled in this writing. We will look at the background, addiction and consequences of issues, , i.e. why porn spreads, what addiction is like and what consequences a person's behaviour has. The aim is to consider the boundaries between false sexual behaviour and healthy sexuality. We also examine the same issues from a spiritual perspective.
PORN, MALE, FEMALE. Pornography, a major factor in the lives of many sex addicts, is mainly a men's problem, not women's. Few women get turned on just by seeing a naked man and his genitals. It doesn't necessarily make a woman's heart beat any faster and she can take it rather lightly, except maybe during lovemaking. Instead, a man's erotic desire is usually immediately aroused by seeing a naked woman. It gets him aroused immediately. This is also the most common difference between male and female sexuality. For when a woman wants a more holistic connection with a man in order to get sexually excited, the man usually reacts to what he sees. Jesus did not say in vain the next words about looking on a woman and lusting after her:
- (Matt 5:27,28) You have heard that it was said by them of old time, You shall not commit adultery: 28 But I say to you, That whoever looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart.
When porn is a men's problem, there are several reasons why it spreads and why some women surrender to it. Perhaps the following factors are most important:
Attention. Attention is a reason why some women appear in the nude and uncover themselves to men. When Jesus said that “all their works they do for to be seen of men” (Matt 23:5), it is possible that it also moves to the area of sexuality. It means that some women enjoy their ability to seduce and influence men. They enjoy the reactions of others and that is the reason for the action. It is similar to the action of an exhibitionist, dogging (making love in public places) or telling sexual jokes, and if someone spreads "indecent" things and pictures on the Internet. They are all done for attention, because people want to startle and enjoy the reactions of others. The next quote is not directly related to sexuality, but it shows the same principle perfectly. It could just as well be about sexuality, because the same thing often happens there. The desire for attention and enjoying the reactions of others is the reason for the action:
Earrings were still child's play compared to how I became morbidly attracted to piercing myself. I had wanted to shock people in every possible way, and in that nothing seemed to be enough. In a twisted way seeing other’s shock gave me a sensual pleasure and delight. In punk ideology, all boundaries were made to be broken, and on every level I was craving for it. (1)
Background. Usually a person’s background in childhood and youth influences what kind of life he will have. It has been possible to show that criminals come from families of a certain type (usually an indifferent father), homosexuals come from conditions of a certain type (men usually have a bad relationship with their father, feel rejected by his pals, or suffered sexual abuse by someone of the same sex. Women usually have problems with the relationship with their mother). If the circumstances had been different, a person would not be so easily exposed to the previous things. The background of the school killers (the Jokela and Kauhajoki school killings are topical in Finland) is also usually similar. Almost without exception, each of them has been bullied at school and they have been isolated from the rest of the community. If the bullying hadn't happened and the person had been able to overcome their anger, there wouldn't have been any deaths - they wouldn't have happened. No one becomes a misanthrope by chance, but it is always influenced by the negative words of others. When we move back to the area of sex and porn, backgrounds matter there too. Generally, women who drift into prostitution have relatively more incest in their background than others. They have been sexually abused by their father or a male close relative and it has had an effect. If the sexual abuse had not occurred, women's lives could have been quite different. Another reason for numerous sex relationships and later prostitution may be that the girl has not received attention from her father and parents. She shows her rebellion against her parents who didn't care about her or were too busy. She is in temporary sex relationships to fill her emptiness and get affection. A quote from practical life demonstrates this:
A young woman from Dallas came to me after taking part in our meeting. Her story is sad but it happens daily in the lives of many young girls. “Dr. Cole”, she said, “yesterday evening in your meeting I forgave my father. He did not abuse me and it was not a question of anything that he did to me. I had to forgive him for what he did not do. “He did not show affection at any time in my childhood. I longed for affection so much that I began to search for it in all places. I started to have sexual relationships. It almost destroyed my life. Only Jesus saved me from the destiny that is more horrible than death. I tell you about this so that you would teach men how important it is that fathers love their children.” (2)
Lust for money. When prostitution, sex industry and pornography occur, there can be different reasons behind them. A few of them were already mentioned in the previous paragraphs. However, perhaps the most important factor behind the sex industry is money lust and greed. When Paul wrote that the love of money is the root of all evil, it is true in many people’s lives (1 Tim 6:9,10: But they that will be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and hurtful lusts, which drown men in destruction and perdition. For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.). They have been blinded by the easy money with which they have filled their pockets and purses. If the sex industry wasn't a business worth millions of dollars and euros, it wouldn't be so flourishing. It is the lust for money that keeps it going. People want to keep their money and material well-being. It prevents them from going out of business. Amsterdam's sex industry is one example of that:
A tourist commented to me about the deepness into which Amsterdam had sunk in trying to become the centre of sex life in Europe. He was shocked by the glaring events he had seen in the streets: “If all THIS is accepted, then what happens behind closed doors?” … Amsterdam’s idea of sex is glaring, coarse and brutal. It is an industry worth millions of dollars that maintains tens of thousands of prostitutes and hundreds of sex shops, porn theatres, live show clubs and bars. If the life of many, who serve in that giant industry, is shocking, so are the attitudes of those who in all peace fill their pockets with money coming from it. In influential places there are persons who, in all peace of mind, take advantage of Amsterdam’s reputation as a “liberal and dangerous” centre. They who live from the bodies of each other are not the only parasites; the owners of such houses are also parasites – many of them are older persons, “honourable” men and women, maybe grandparents who rent their houses as working places for prostitutes. The rent for eight hours in one room is about 180 guldens (about 340 mk). For an ordinary workman the sum is the same as the wage for two days’ labor. In some houses where there are three or four windows, the landlord earns tidy sums. Here we see that even though every man is sinful, there are also those who are sinned against. I believe that great evil lives in the hearts of such people who satisfy their avarice through others, especially through those people who desperately need money either to take care of their children or to pay for their use of drugs. (3)
Lust. When we talked about how a man gets excited by what he sees, i.e. seeing a naked woman, that is the main reason why pornography is successful. It is based on lust, when sexual thoughts swirl in a man's mind. They lead to the fact that he starts looking at pornography, looking for a sex partner and looking for pictures on the Internet with which he can satisfy himself through masturbation. There may also be telephone sex, porn magazines, massage parlors, striptease restaurants, paid women and porn films, through which he seeks the fulfilment of his fantasies. Lust, to which the next Bible verses refer, drives him to look for sexual satisfaction:
- (James 1:14,15) But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. 15 Then when lust has conceived, it brings forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, brings forth death.
- (1 John 2:16-17) For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. 17 And the world passes away, and the lust thereof: but he that does the will of God stays for ever.
When a person is in the power of lust, it is also characterized by selfishness. It thinks only of itself: "How will I be satisfied?". Extreme examples are incest, child abuse and rape, which can easily lead to bad consequences: self-hatred, shame and deep trauma. It can take a lifetime to recover from them. But selfishness can also prevail in equal sex relationships without marriage (it is also possible in marriage). They have been justified by saying: "“There cannot be anything wrong with it if two people love each other and have sex with each other", but that is often not true. Because it is not uncommon that when one person is thinking about a deeper commitment, the other is already trying to get out of the relationship. It usually happens right after sex. The following quotation from practical life is often repeated and shows the selfishness of man:
One Saturday her male friend phoned from Stockholm. The man invited Lisbeth with him to a restaurant. Lisbeth continued her story: “I agreed. I felt lonely. I thought that it would be nice to have a little fun. He was a salesman. He came in a fine firm’s car and brought flowers and expensive perfume. We had a nice night. I longed for nearness and affection. We laid together. Some weeks later I noticed I was pregnant. I phoned the man and told him the situation. He asked me to come again to the same restaurant after seven hours. He rose immediately, got into the car and drove without caring about speed limits. He too was shocked. It appeared that the man was engaged and intended to marry soon. He had not told me that before. I got angry. I became hysterical, cried and shouted at him. We drove all around. At first, I thought he should have broken off his engagement and married me. He refused. No one would know what had happened. He insisted that I have an abortion immediately. He would pay the cost of pain and suffering, as he put it. It felt hard-hearted and insensitive. He apparently had no idea how deep feelings he had aroused in me. A sexual relationship is not just a superficial and meaningless experience. It is something much more. Many have suppressed their true feelings. We play a tough face, even if we're not like that. There is a stigma attached to it. He, with whom you have been, becomes like a part of your own personality. Besides, the child was coming. A new human life had begun. And he suggested coldly that it would be destroyed. Never." (4)
Sex addiction. One of the reasons why porn is successful is that some people get hooked on it. They can spend hundreds of euros a month on it when they buy sex and porn movies, sex magazines, visit massage parlors and resort to paid sex services. The same thing can control their thoughts so that they constantly have fantasies and images related to sexual relationships, either past experiences or plans for the future. On the Internet, they can also search for the perfect image that would please them the most and by which they can satisfy themselves. Peculiar to this kind of addiction is that it becomes stronger all the time. A person has to find more and more arousing and perverted images in order to experience the same pleasure as before. Things that used to give pleasure no longer give the same experience. It's like alcohol and drug addiction, where the tolerance threshold increases: more and more is needed for satisfaction, in order to get the same satisfaction as in the early days. The direction is always the same in the long run, unless the person experiences freedom from their addiction before then. Mark Laaser has taken up the topic in his book, “Salattu synti” [Faithful and True (The Secret Sin)]. It addresses sex addiction and factors behind it:
Sexual addiction is an illness that becomes worse and needs more and more. In the early stages of the illness the abuser may, for example, consider the watching of sex films at theatres quite normal, because many other people go to watch them, too. Then he starts to read film reviews carefully to find just those films in which are shown sex. When the sex shown in cinemas does not stimulate him anymore, he starts to watch home video cassettes that contain hard porn. After them, he may move to wilder and wilder sex descriptions. There are as many development curves as there are case histories. The course of the addiction can be short or long or it can develop in different directions. It must be remembered that a sexually addicted person can go for even long times without having any sexual activity. This may mislead either them or their loved ones into believing that the illness is under control. It is also common that severe and slight falls follow each other … However, as seen across a long enough period of time, the trend always worsens. (5)
Sex is not a bad thing. Concerning sexuality, it is good to note that it is not itself a bad thing. On the contrary, even the Book of Genesis teaches that, “It is not good that the man should be alone” (Gen 2:18) and that marriage is meant for closeness. The same topic appears in First Corinthians (1 Cor 7:1-5), in which it is taught that a husband and wife are obligated to fulfill each other’s sexual needs; of course, so that there is no coercion in the matter (i.e. you must not oblige the other person to do something that they find repulsive. Such could be, for example, the question of oral sex, which many women find repulsive). Sex between spouses is not wrong.
- (1 Cor 7:1-5) Now concerning the things whereof you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. 3 Let the husband render to the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife to the husband. 4 The wife has not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband has not power of his own body, but the wife. 5 Defraud you not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
- (Hebr 13:4) Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled: but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.
Instead, it often happens in the lives of some sex addicts that they go to the wrong areas because of their lust, i.e. sex outside of marriage. For some, it can mean looking for a sex partner on the internet, paid sex, or sex experiments among singles, which are often justified by saying: “There can’t be anything wrong if we love each other.” They don't understand that if a woman reveals herself to people other than her husband, or if a man looks for sexual companionship elsewhere, it is sexual distortion and wrong before God. Secondly, it is good to understand that the actions we do matter. If we choose a fornicating lifestyle and focus on the superficial and usually only short-term pleasures of this life, we are certainly not acting wisely. According to the Bible, there is a judgment ahead, which will happen according to works, and if we are unprepared for it and eternity, then we have acted foolishly:
- (Rev 20:12-15) And I saw the dead, small and great, stand before God; and the books were opened: and another book was opened, which is the book of life: and the dead were judged out of those things which were written in the books, according to their works. 13 And the sea gave up the dead which were in it; and death and hell delivered up the dead which were in them: and they were judged every man according to their works. 14 And death and hell were cast into the lake of fire. This is the second death. 15 And whoever was not found written in the book of life was cast into the lake of fire.
- (Col 3:25) But he that does wrong shall receive for the wrong which he has done: and there is no respect of persons.
So, when it comes to sexual sins - the area that is addressed in this article - and your own life, it's good to think about how you live it. If you yourself are involved in extramarital sex affairs, engage in sex business because of your greed for money, or are in other sexual distortions, you are certainly not acting wisely. These things are sins that separate us from God like any other sin. When we look at the following verses, they clearly show that fornicators and adulterers will not inherit the kingdom of God. They will have to go to damnation. If we practice such actions, we have no future. So repent in time, turn to God and do not stay outside the kingdom of God. He has love and a good plan for every sinner, but we ourselves must turn to Him:
- (Rev 2:21) And I gave her space to repent of her fornication; and she repented not.
- (1 Cor 6:9,10) Know you not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, 10 Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortionists, shall inherit the kingdom of God.
Think about matters in the light of eternity! There is one big problem with pleasures, and that is that they are short-lived. They are ephemeral in this life – sexual pleasure that we may seek and about which has been spoken, is over already in a few minutes – and compared to eternity. Because of them, many can also ignore spiritual and eternal things because they are busy watching sports, Big brother shows, movies or other interesting things. They can easily keep anyone outside the kingdom of God if we get too attached to them. However, it is good to note that our lives are quite short. We've been given maybe 20,000 to 40,000 days and they'll be over sooner than we realize. Once each of these days is behind us, and then it is good for us to ask ourselves if we have lived selfishly or according to God's will and plan, leaving a good mark on this world. The most important thing is that we don't waste our time because we only have this one life and a chance to prepare for eternity. The following quote speaks aptly about the brevity of our lives, and how everyone should be ready:
Have you thought that you have only this one life? We do an illustrative reasoning game. Let us suppose that a man lives 70 years, and every day of his life, together 25,550 days, represents one brick. Let us also suppose that the man stands on this pile of bricks; it is about 25 meters high, one meter in breadth and one-and-a-half meters in length. The man stands on the pile, from which there is a good view to the landscape. Every morning comes a hand that snatches one brick. Only one brick from the corner of the pile. “It is not dangerous. And even though one brick layer went, what does it matter?” the man thinks. The hand appears every morning and snatches only one brick. The man looks around care-freely. “There is nothing to worry about,” he thinks. But after a long, very long time, the man discovers, to his horror, that he is standing on only one brick. Years and decades have passed. Freedom from cares changes into distress: tomorrow morning a hand appears that takes the last brick from under the man's feet and he collapses to the ground. This is a description of only one life that we have. In childhood and youth, it seems that old age and death are immeasurably distant. But before we notice, the parable of Jesus about the rich man becomes true in us (Luke 12:20): “You fool, this night your soul shall be required of you.” Have you ever thought about how serious, downright frightening, it is to be human without God? A person with only one life. (6)
THE PRAYER OF SALVATION: Lord, Jesus, I turn to You. I confess that I have sinned against You and have not lived according to Your will. However, I want to turn away from my sins and follow You with all my heart. I also believe that my sins have been forgiven through Your atonement and I have received eternal life through You. I thank You for the salvation that You have given me. Amen.
REFERENCES:
1. Helena Rinne: Käärmeen lumous, p. 83 2. Edwin Louis Cole: Kommunikaatio, seksi & raha (Communication, Sex & Money), p. 67,68 3. Floyd McClung: Elämää helvetin esikartanoissa (Living on The Devil’s Doorstep), p. 210,211 4. Stanley Sjöberg: Jumalan lasten lapset (Familjeträff I Pingst), p. 84 5. Mark Laaser: Salattu synti (Faithful and True, the Secret Sin), p. 42 6. Tapio Nousiainen: Yksi ainoa elämä, p. 5,6
Sexuality under analysis. The origin of sexuality; From God or the result of evolution? Improper sexual behavior leads to suffering Sexuality, love, equality. Sexuality, love and equality - is all sexual behavior right? Sex addiction. Sex addiction, pornography and masturbation bind the lives of many Satisfaction. Planning for the future without regard for God and eternity is madness
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Grap to eternal life!
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Sexuality under analysis. The origin of sexuality; From God or the result of evolution? Improper sexual behavior leads to suffering Sexuality, love, equality. Sexuality, love and equality - is all sexual behavior right? Sex addiction. Sex addiction, pornography and masturbation bind the lives of many Satisfaction. Planning for the future without regard for God and eternity is madness
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