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Divorce and remarriage
What does the Bible say about divorce and remarriage? Why should marriage be taken seriously? How should a person who is left alone act?
In the following lines, divorce from different sides will be studied. The purpose is to find out what the Bible says about it and whether it is ever right to remarry. It is important to be clear about this. If you yourself have been faced with this issue, you should familiarize yourself with the following lines.
Invest in your spouse! Divorce and remarriage have become increasingly accepted in today's society. Marriage may be seen as a contract that can be dissolved at any time. We might think when problems arise: "we can always divorce if nothing comes of this". The door to divorce may be kept open and that's what causes the marriage to not be managed properly. It is not properly focused on, because divorce is considered as one possibility. How can this be fixed? There is no other alternative than to start committing to the relationship. Do not take your spouse for granted, but reserve time for your spouse and give him/her the same attention you pay to other things; actually, your spouse should be the most important thing after God. If we have this kind of a right order of importance, the relationship will not fade completely. We must also note that marriage is really a lifelong relationship that will end when we die. If we do not understand this, our motivation to build up our marriage is not right:
- (Rom 7:1-3) Know you not, brothers, (for I speak to them that know the law,) how that the law has dominion over a man as long as he lives? 2 For the woman which has an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he lives; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. 3 So then if, while her husband lives, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man.
- (1 Cor 7:39) The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.
Another important point is that the choices we make affect eternity. If we live our life in the wrong way, outside the will of God, we will not inherit the kingdom of God; we will remain outside. Therefore, if a person plans to leave his/her spouse for someone else or in some other way turns his/her back on God, this affects his/her eternity. It will have an impact on us through eternity, because sexually immoral people, adulterers, and other evildoers will not inherit the kingdom of God, as the following verses state. This situation can change only if we repent our sins and turn to God:
- (Mal 2:14-16) Yet you say, Why? Because the LORD has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously: yet is she your companion, and the wife of your covenant. 15 And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And why one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth. 16 For the LORD, the God of Israel, said that he hates putting away: for one covers violence with his garment, said the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that you deal not treacherously.
- (Mark 10:11,12) And he said to them, Whoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, commits adultery against her. 12 And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she commits adultery.
- (Luke 16:18) Whoever puts away his wife, and marries another, commits adultery: and whoever marries her that is put away from her husband commits adultery.
- (Rev 2:21) And I gave her space to repent of her fornication; and she repented not.
- (Hebr 13:4) Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled: but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.
- (1 Cor 6:9,10) Know you not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, 10 Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortionists, shall inherit the kingdom of God.
The main reason divorces take place is a lack of respect for God. When people don't believe in God or that they have to answer for their actions - including how they have treated their spouse and lived with him/her - they are indifferent. This is a question of worldview. When in the past people believed in God more generally, there was respect in society for the right values, including the permanence of marriage. Instead, when there was an apostasy from the Christian faith and its foundations, it affected behavior in all areas. One consequence of this is divorces, but also cohabitation, abortions and other behaviors contrary to God's will are its fruit. The same attitude has spread to the churches. Many people are so strongly influenced by the public opinion and media that they no longer fear violating God's commandments. They are encouraged to get a divorce - thinking that God will forgive - but they don't want to invest in saving the marriage. David Wilkerson tells his own experience about this:
God has thoroughly rebuked me for preaching far too graciously and forgivingly about divorce and remarrying. I felt the anguish of all the innocent parties, the loneliness of those abandoned by adulterous spouses, the isolation and guilt of those who have already divorced and remarried who have deeply surrendered to the Lord. But as I preached love, hope and forgiveness to these, many others who were planning to leave their spouses found comfort and even encouragement. Such a thought surfaced: "This may be wrong but I'm going to take the step anyway and then throw myself on God's mercy. Others have found grace, so why shouldn't I?" I don't know the answer to everything. However, I do know what I have heard from God about future events. Christians who have been warned, who have outright rejected God's wrath against divorce and are building excuses to justify their evil deeds, will never again find rest in the Lord. New Marriages will bring them more unhappiness and distress... The purpose of this book is not to create insecurity for those who are innocent victims of divorce and remarried and who are now seeking the Lord... God is very merciful to the repentant. (1)
ONLY BECAUSE OF FORNICATION. We noted earlier that marriage should be a lifelong union that is dissolved only when one of the spouses die. There is one exception to this: divorce is acceptable only if our spouse is continuously unfaithful (is an adulterer). If a person is constantly unfaithful and acts immorally this can break the bonds of marriage. According to Jesus, it is the only accepted reason for divorce. On the other hand, adultery does not force an end to the marriage. On the contrary, it is only the new marriage of the other that breaks the relationship. If a person is unsure there is still hope to save the relationship. Miracles can occur through forgiving and forgetting in these situations. Jesus' words emphasize the permanence of marriage:
- (Matt 19:3-9) The Pharisees also came to him, tempting him, and saying to him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? 4 And he answered and said to them, Have you not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, 5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall join to his wife: and they two shall be one flesh? 6 Why they are no more two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder. 7 They say to him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorce, and to put her away? 8 He said to them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. 9 And I say to you, Whoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, commits adultery: and whoever marries her which is put away does commit adultery.
- (Matt 5:31-32) It has been said, Whoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorce: 32 But I say to you, That whoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causes her to commit adultery: and whoever shall marry her that is divorced commits adultery.
THE QUESTION OF REMARRIAGE. Concerning remarriage, it is clear that the spouse who leaves the other to marry someone else always commits adultery and is under God's judgment. His/Her new marriage is not according to God's will, as stated. This is generally understood clearly from the Bible. The question therefore is: what about the spouse who is left alone who did not commit adultery and has no possibility to fix his/her marriage? Does this spouse have the right to remarry or should he or she live alone for the rest of his or her life? People sometimes say that they could never remarry, or at least not before the former spouse has died, but is this true? We are going to to study this issue and Bible examples from the same area. They seem to indicate us that an innocent spouse has the right to remarry.
Original law. The first reason for allowing remarriage in cases of adultery is the original law of the Old Covenant. The law stated that when one of the spouses committed adultery, he/she was immediately sentenced to death. When the adulterous spouse was caught in the act and found guilty, he/she was immediately stoned. It was usually based on the testimony of two or three witnesses. What did this mean for the surviving and innocent spouse? It meant that he/she was then free to marry again - after all, death had already ended the marriage (1 Cor 7:39 and Rom 7:2). He/she was no longer tied to her adulterous spouse, but was now in the position of a widow - a situation where he/she had the opportunity to remarry without committing adultery (Romans 7:3). If the meaning of the original law is followed, it can be asked, is it not wrong also now to bind the innocent spouse to his/her adulterous spouse, even if the other one has already remarried. If the original law gave a possibility for a new marriage after the death of a spouse, this possibility also exists now, especially if there is no possibility to return to the former marriage:
- (John 8:3-5) And the scribes and Pharisees brought to him a woman taken in adultery; and when they had set her in the middle, 4 They say to him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act. 5 Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what say you?
- (Deut 22:22) If a man be found lying with a woman married to an husband, then they shall both of them die, both the man that lay with the woman, and the woman: so shall you put away evil from Israel.
- (Lev 20:10) And the man that commits adultery with another man’s wife, even he that commits adultery with his neighbor’s wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death.
Historical practice. One proof in favor of remarriage is that there is no legal form of divorce on the side of the Old Covenant that does not include the possibility of entering into a new marriage. Deuteronomy 24:1-4 and Jer 3:1 show that when the official divorce took effect, it also gave the right to remarry. It was thought that if one was free due to a divorce, he/she had the opportunity to become the other's spouse as well. The certificate of divorce, which was indeed enacted because of the imperfection of people (Matthew 19:3-9), showed this. Second, the divorce certificate showed that once a marriage had ceased to exist when a new marriage took effect, it also ceased to exist in God's eyes. There was no going back to that. The marriage bond had been irreversibly broken, and the notion that the spouses were bound to each other even after the divorce and the new marriage - as is sometimes taught today - was not true on the side of the Old Covenant:
- (Deut 24:1-4) When a man has taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favor in his eyes, because he has found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorce, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house. 2 And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man’s wife. 3 And if the latter husband hate her, and write her a bill of divorce, and gives it in her hand, and sends her out of his house; or if the latter husband die, which took her to be his wife; 4 Her former husband, which sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after that she is defiled; for that is abomination before the LORD: and you shall not cause the land to sin, which the LORD your God gives you for an inheritance.
- (Jeremiah 3:1) They say, If a man put away his wife, and she go from him, and become another man’s, shall he return to her again? shall not that land be greatly polluted? but you have played the harlot with many lovers; yet return again to me, said the LORD.
Matt 19:9
- (Matt 19:9) And I say to you, Whoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, commits adultery...
One passage that points to the possibility of remarriage is the above words of Jesus in Matthew 19:9. In this verse, Jesus clearly showed that if the separation takes place on biblical grounds - because of the other's fornication - then a new union is possible. This verse could also be translated as follows:
Whoever shall put away his wife for fornication and shall marry another does not commit adultery
Therefore, when it comes to the exception in the verse - "for any other reason than fornication" - it must be understood that it also applies to the new covenant. (It has sometimes been implied that it would allow only for divorce, but not for remarriage.) This verse only makes sense if it applies to both things at the same time, divorce and remarriage - otherwise it is not grammatically logical. Stanley A. Ellisen has explained this special exception as found the Gospel of Matthew:
Some have explained that the special permit only applies to divorce, but according to the rules of grammar and logic, it applies to both divorce and remarriage. Quoting John Murray, "According to syntactic rules, the significance of the special permit in this sentence is eliminated if it is not applied both to remarriage and divorce." (Divorce, p. 41). It is worth noting that the special permit and the verb are syntactically placed correctly. It can be clearly seen from the words of Jesus that it is possible to remarry after a divorce, and that it is acceptable in certain cases. These cases do not require getting married, but it is possible. Jesus noted that sin can break what God has connected in marriage. It is the basis of His warning and teaching in these verses. (2)
1 Cor 7:27,28
- (1 Cor 7:27,28) Are you bound to a wife? seek not to be loosed. Are you loosed from a wife? seek not a wife. 28 But and if you marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she has not sinned. Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh: but I spare you.
One passage that seems to refer to allowing remarriage when there is no return to a former marriage is Paul's words in 1 Corinthians 7:27,28. These verses include the verb lelysai, meaning “to be separated" or "to be released", talking of a dissolved marriage. In these verses Paul gives a piece of advise, “Seek not a wife", but Paul also adds that “if you marry, you have not sinned”; just as a virgin – a person who has not been married before – does not sin when he/she gets married. These Bible verses, 1 Cor 7:27,28, could be translated from the original language also in the next way:
27. Are you bound to a wife, do not seek a divorce. Are you separated from your wife, do not look for a wife. 28. But and if you marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she has not sinned...
Who is the deserted one?
(Jay. P. Green 5:32) But I say to you, whoever deserts his wife, for any other reason than fornication, causes her to commit adultery. And who ever marries the deserted one commits adultery.
- (Matt 5:32) But I say to you, That whoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causes her to commit adultery: and whoever shall marry her that is divorced commits adultery.
- (Matt 19:9) And I say to you, Whoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, commits adultery: and whoever marries her which is put away does commit adultery.
- (Luke 16:18) Whoever puts away his wife, and marries another, commits adultery: and whoever marries her that is put away from her husband commits adultery.
The Bible says, "And who ever marries the deserted one commits adultery," and this has often been used as a basis for claiming that remarriage is not possible. It has been said that a faithful spouse does not have the possibility to get married again, because he/she is the deserted person. Therefore, this possibility has been denied from him/her But is this true? Is the deserted person the faithful spouse or the one who has committed adultery? Let’s study this in the light of the next examples:
Only one valid reason to desert. First of all, it is good to understand that according to the words of Jesus, there is only one possible reason to desert your spouse: another's fornication. If your spouse has committed adultery and lives in continuous infidelity, you can leave this person before he/she asks for a divorce. Only the spouse who has remained faithful has the permission to do this. In light of this, it must be understood that the deserted spouse is precisely the adulterous spouse who can be left even before he or she divorces. Otherwise, there would be two deserted people: the faithful spouse and the one who committed adultery and whom you are allowed to leave. However, it is probable that it means the adulterer only, because that better fits the original law of the Old Covenant:
According to Jesus, we have only one reason for deserting, calling someone deserted one and regarding someone as deserted. This is not the case if we see that also the innocent one, who has divorced the guilty person, is the deserted one. We then have two reasons to desert. (…) What is the worst part is that when a man has chosen an adulteress to be his wife, some people think that his former innocent wife is the deserted one. ”Oh holy simplicity!” (…) that is the only thing you can really say about such a way of thinking. After all, a faithful wife, waiting for her husband to change, could have rejected him as an adulterer even before his divorce. According to Jesus, there is no other reason for deserting one's spouse than adultery, and because the wife had not committed adultery, the man cannot abandon her, according to the teachings of the New Testament. The wife had the right to desert her spouse because of adultery, but the man had no right to do so. According to Jesus, we must make a right judgment. John 7:24. (3)
The original law. Another reason to understand that the deserted person is the one who has committed adultery is the original law of the Old Covenant. There were two people to be stoned: the spouse who had committed adultery, and the person who had an affair with the adulterer. The innocent spouse and anyone who may have married her/him later were not under judgment; only those who had committed adultery were guilty. When we consider the New Testament, we have reason to believe that also the verses of the New Testament above apply to people who have committed adultery: the spouse who committed adultery and could be deserted, and the one who had an affair with him/her. At least, this better fits the original law.
Strange situations. If we believe that the faithful spouse does not have the right to marry again until his/her former spouse dies, rather peculiar situations would follow (it may have been said that "he/she is still morally married to his/her former spouse"). Here are some examples:
Two people - The other has been in many cohabiting and relationships and now lives alone and comes to faith. According to the usual teaching, he is allowed to marry even though he has lived a lot in fornication. All the doors of spiritual work will also be opened to him. - The other person has lived in only one marriage and has never engaged in casual relationships and fornication. Then the other spouse leaves her/him for someone else. The person is left to live alone and soon comes to faith. According to the previous teaching he/she can no longer marry, even if he/she is not guilty of fornication like the first person ("he/she is still morally married to his/her ex-spouse"). Sometimes this person may also be denied spiritual service as a result of remarriage. A man has left his 20-year-old wife because of another woman. According to the above-mentioned teaching, the girl must live alone for the rest of her life until this man dies, perhaps until old age. She must wait for the death of her former spouse.
The man in the previous example has now married someone else. They are both saved. According to the usual teaching, they are allowed to continue their marriage (1 Cor 7:20). However, the girl – who was left alone – must remain alone even though she was innocent and can no longer marry her former husband.
A man has left his wife because of another woman and they both move to another continent. It is difficult for the person who is left alone to know when this man dies; according to the above-mentioned teaching, she must wait for his death before she can remarry. How can she receive this information if the man lives far away from her?
A man and a wife get a divorce and both of them get remarried. After a long time, the man meets his former wife and has sex with her. However, according to the above-mentioned teaching, they do not commit adultery, because they are still morally married. Rather, they commit adultery when they have sex with their current spouses, even if they had married a long time ago.
How SHOULD THE GUILTY ONE act? In the previous passages we mainly dealt with a person who is innocent of adultery and his or her possibilities after a divorce. How then should the person who has committed adultery act? Sometimes these people are saved, they repent, they feel guilty for what they have done and they want to change their lives to be in accordance with the will of God. What should they do? We will try to find answers to this in light of the following examples:
- If a person who has committed adultery has already remarried, common sense says that he must stay in the marriage and not create any more divorces (1 Cor 7:20: Each one should remain in the situation which he was in when God called him.). If this person has confessed his wrongdoings to God, he has received forgiveness for them and no longer lives in sin in his new marriage. Adultery is not any bigger sin than other sins: it can also be forgiven.
- If people are living together without being married, even have children, surely they should get married. In this situation, a new divorce would not cause any good; on the contrary, it would make matters even worse. These people should confess their former actions to God and continue on the grounds of the new marriage.
- If it is a question of a relationship that has only lasted for short time, it must be ended and the person must return back to his or her former spouse, as long as it is possible. However, if the former spouse has already remarried, the guilty person has no other alternative than to look for a new spouse or live alone.
- If the guilty person is living alone, he or she can return to the former spouse, as long as it is possible. However, if the former spouse has already remarried, the guilty person has no other alternative than to look for a new spouse or to live alone.
Winning YOUR SPOUSE back. If adultery has occurred, it does not in itself have to end the marriage. On the contrary, it never breaks a relationship or ends it; only a new marriage does that. As long as the spouse is still wondering about what to do, there is some hope to save the relationship. We are going to look at some of the things you can do or avoid in this kind of a situation where the spouse has committed adultery. Sometimes, a relationship that is about to end can still be mended this way:
• See your own part in problems. Since unfaithfulness is usually a symptom of marital problems, not their cause, we should see our own part in these problems. If you have neglected your spouse, been indifferent to him/her and not adored him/her, this may be the reason why he/she has searched for appreciation from elsewhere because he/she has not been getting it from you. In this case, you should confess your own neglects and faults to your spouse and tell him/her how you wish to change:
One sad housewife recalls, "When I look back, I realize that many times my husband wanted closeness and understanding, but I didn't give them to him. I always had more important things to do - sewing, defrosting the refrigerator or weeding the garden. I remember how he often sadly asked, why we couldn't go somewhere together for a couple of days, or why don't I get a new dress, or why we couldn't sometimes just be lazy and young. I didn't say, "Don't be silly, we’re adults", but he saw my unwillingness. One Christian woman learned something else, "I am awfully ashamed. I was very bossy and a hypocrite, I never understood what I had done.” When a non-Christian man divorced his wife who was a Christian, he told her straight out, "This girl isn't as beautiful as you and not even very tidy. Without me, she would be an alcoholic, but she is the only person who has ever needed me and accepted me as I am. She gives me something you never gave me." (4)
• Interestingness of the other. If we want to win back an unfaithful spouse, we must above all convince him or her that he/she is the most important person in our lives. We should make our spouse feel that we are interested in him/her only for himself/herself and , not for any other reason. Reasons such as "it would be best for the children" or "it would be right" may not convince him/her at all. Appealing to such reasons may push him/her even further away. Instead, as soon as your spouse receives sincere admiration and appreciation for himself/herself, it can affect him/her more deeply.
- Do not say the wrong things. If the wife says "do you still love me?" or starts criticizing a husband's girlfriend, these words only lead to a dead end. Remarks like these may force the husband to make an unpleasant choice or drive him to defend his girlfriend. Therefore, completely avoid criticizing your spouse's new friend, the spouse himself or asking him embarrassing questions. Also, don't spread your spouse's shortcomings to everyone you know, because that will make it even harder for him to come back to you.
- Forget the past. If you want to accept your spouse as he/she is forget the past and do not bring up your spouse’s unfaithfulness again. You can tell your spouse that the past is the past and that you want to concentrate on the future. This also means that you must stop asking unnecessary questions about the issue. You can at most ask your spouse what you might do to make him/her happy, or ask how you could be a better spouse for him/her.
- Let your spouse enjoy being at home. One important thing is to make the other spouse feel comfortable at home and to always be happy to come there. He/she must feel that it's nice to be there and it's nice to come there, because the absence of this is exactly what can separate spouses from each other. In practice, this can mean for the wife that she no longer nags her husband, but respects him in every situation. She should be a submissive wife to her husband, just as the husband should value and please his wife in the same situation. It can also mean that the wife offers her husband his favorite food and tries in every way to please him. A wife acts exactly the way a person in love would act towards her spouse, valuing one and making the other happy. She doesn't give her husband vinegar but honey.
• Writing. One option is to write to your spouse about the things you have appreciated in your marriage, the good moments and the spouse's good qualities. You can also tell about your own faults and of your will to change. Sometimes, these kinds of honest letters that do not attack the spouse but speak in a positive way, can deeply affect the spouse.
When an unbelieving spouse leaves. We previously talked about how a marriage can be broken by death and adultery. There is also a third cause of a broken marriage. It is a situation where a spouse who is not a believer leaves the marriage and does not want to continue it anymore. The next words written by Paul refer to this:
- (1 Cor 7:12,13,15) But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother has a wife that believes not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. 13 And the woman which has an husband that believes not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. 15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God has called us to peace.
A good question in this situation is whether there is a possibility for a new marriage. What does the phrase "is not under bondage" mentioned by Paul mean? (comes from the word duloo – to enslave) Does it permit a new marriage or does it mean some kind of limited freedom for the spouse left alone? We can say that when we compare Paul's other passages about slavery he always mentions that the opposite of slavery is freedom. This comparison of slavery to freedom is seen (among other places) in the same chapter, 1 Cor 7, in which he also mentions that a person is free to marry if the spouse has died. Based on these verses, we can conclude that when a spouse who is not a Christian wants a divorce, the believer is no longer bound to the law which would bind him/her to the marriage until the death of the spouse. Instead, he/she should have the right to remarry, because the former bond has been broken:
- (1 Cor 7:21,22) Are you called being a servant? care not for it: but if you may be made free, use it rather. 22 For he that is called in the Lord, being a servant, is the Lord’s freeman: likewise also he that is called, being free, is Christ’s servant.
- (1 Cor 7:39) The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.
- (Eph 6:8) Knowing that whatever good thing any man does, the same shall he receive of the Lord, whether he be bond or free.
- (Gal 5:1) Stand fast therefore in the liberty with which Christ has made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage.
We should, however, mention the next points that should be taken into consideration. If we do not pay attention to them but are too hasty, we can commit big mistakes:
• First of all, simply living apart does not end the marriage. If the unfaithful spouse just moves to live in another apartment for a while, it does not mean the end of the relationship. In this situation, the believer should patiently wait for the other because the spouse may return soon. If the spouse, who was left alone, closes the door too soon by remarrying he/she will certainly do wrong in the eyes of God. On the other hand, the situation becomes different if the other person's absence has continued for a long time, e.g. at least a couple of years, and there is no information about him/her. Then the marriage can be considered to have ended. Perhaps the other person has committed fornication during that time, which often in any case ends the marriage.
• Secondly, if the believing spouse's own bad behavior and neglect have led to the departure of the non-believing spouse, then it can be considered that he or she is is actually more guilty for the state of things. Such a situation should be rectified as soon as possible. Apologizing and trying to win the other back with your love are the things that should be done in this situation.
Difficult situations. Sometimes a situation can arise in a marriage where living together can seem impossible once and for all. Alcoholism, drug addiction and violence are things that can make it almost impossible. One's mental health and life might also be in danger. A good question is what can be done in this situation. If your own or the children's lives are in danger, is it necessary to continue living together with a violent partner? Does the Bible have anything to say about it? Perhaps the answer to this question can be found in Paul's letter to the Corinthians. He showed that in certain situations, living apart can be an alternative. He wrote to the Corinthians:
- (1 Cor 7:10,11) And to the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: 11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.
So if the situation is this, it is not always wise to continue living together. Moving apart can sometimes be the only suitable alternative. It is also good to note that living apart does not end a marriage or free the spouses to marry someone else. Paul also mentions that the wife's only alternative is not to marry again or try to make things right with her husband. It is also very likely that the person who has been an alcoholic or violent towards family members can go through a complete change. He can become a better husband than he was before.
Has there been A marriage? Sometimes there may be situations where the existence of a marriage is questionable. If someone has gotten married simply to be allowed to immigrate to another country but after that there has been no relationship between the two people, the marriage is then questionable. We must understand that these kinds of agreements cannot be regarded as actual marriages. They are not marriages because they do not meet those conditions that are usually connected with marriage. There is no physical relationship, no “becoming one flesh.” There is no shared life as a couple which is part of ordinary marriage. These are just marriages on paper and not real ones.
The effect of the divorce on children. If we go back in time, divorces were much rarer. For example, in Finland a century ago there were only approx. 125 divorces per year, so the permanence of marriage was respected during past generations. This was also beneficial for the children, who were allowed to grow up in intact families. What about modern time? When the Christian faith has lost its significance and God is no longer revered, the divorce is taken more and more sensitively, not thinking about its eternal consequences and how God will judge adulterers. What about the significance of the divorces for children? Divorces not only affect the divorcees, but also the children. Statistics and practice show how broken and single-parent families are a bad starting point for children. For example, in her book The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce, Judith S. Wallerstein and her research team have conducted an in-depth study of the long-term consequences of divorce for children, i.e., how divorce has affected until adulthood. Many children compared the divorce of their parents to the end of childhood. It was time before the divorce and after. After the breakup, the world was seen as a much less reliable and safe place, because you can no longer count on the people closest to you. It is much easier for children to adapt to a situation where parents are arguing with each other or are in different beds than that the whole union is falling apart. In her best-seller book, Wallerstein describes the effects of difference. In the book, she also takes a stand on visitation rights through the eyes of children and other practical problems caused by the divorce.
Many adults who are trapped in an unhappy marriage would be
surprised to hear that their children are relatively happy.
They don’t care if mom and dad sleep in different beds as
long as the family is together.
REFERENCES:
1. David Wilkerson: Pasuuna soi (Set the Trumpet to thy mouth), p. 55 2. Stanley A. Ellisen, Kunnes kuolema erottaa? (DIVORCE AND REMARRIAGE IN THE CHURCH), p. 133,134 3. Veikko Lähde, Avioliitto evankeliumin valossa, p. 38,39 4. Daniel Nylynd, Luova uskollisuus, p. 84 / Quote from Myytti vihreämmästä ruohosta (THE MYTH OF THE GREENER GRASS) / Allan Petersen 5. Judith Wallerstein, Julia Lewis, Sandra Blakeslee: Avioeron perintö (The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce)
The question of guidance. How can a false guidance be distinguished from a right one, that is, how does God lead and in what way do false spirits mislead? Assistance in marriage. There can be many kinds of problems in a husband and wife’s marriage and relationship. This writing presents solutions to improve the relationship Sexuality under analysis. The origin of sexuality; From God or the result of evolution? Improper sexual behavior leads to suffering Sexuality, love, equality. Sexuality, love and equality - is all sexual behavior right?
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Jesus is the way, the truth and the life
Grap to eternal life!
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The question of guidance. How can a false guidance be distinguished from a right one, that is, how does God lead and in what way do false spirits mislead? Assistance in marriage. There can be many kinds of problems in a husband and wife’s marriage and relationship. This writing presents solutions to improve the relationship Sexuality under analysis. The origin of sexuality; From God or the result of evolution? Improper sexual behavior leads to suffering Sexuality, love, equality. Sexuality, love and equality - is all sexual behavior right?
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